The pain I can't handle.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.


I skipped, my last class.


Because of sickness.
I hadn't skip any before, even though I did felt sick sometimes, I came.
But today, I can't even leave my bed.
I tried to make the pain goes away with sleeping.
And the pills untouched on the top of the table.






I'm getting a little bit of emotional today, as this pain reminded me of my past.
Everything that happened, when I was still a student at SMKAM2.
Certainly, I doesn't miss everything and there were some regrets here and there.
However, I just realise that, I had chose the wrong way to live.


Would you listen?


I miss the class of 3 Cahaya, 4 Bakti and 5 Bakti.


I miss Mrs Hasimazera, who was the one who believed in me to get 9A,
Mrs Salina, who was the one who convinced me I deserved my 9A,
Mrs Asma, whom listened to me, my stories, those are my class teachers.


I miss the other teachers that taught me or didn't. You can never be replace with lecturers.


I miss Nur Aisyah, my best friend who I let her hug me.
I miss Mursyidah, my best friend who I care dearly.
I miss Farah Aisyah, my best friend slash neighbour and the nights we did sleepover.
I miss Nurul Azwin, the first one to introduce herself to me.
I miss Ezzah Ruzaini, whom the only one I recognized from HICOM.
I miss Che' Khuizzatieliana, who was also the new kid in school.
I miss Nur Fashihah, whom as delicate as a flower slash neighbour.
I miss Ummi Raihana, who was a genius in Maths, and still is.
I miss Nik Nur Hasniza, whom I let her to hold my hand when we walked together.
I miss Noor Shahirah, whom writes beautiful things as she is.
I miss Fatin Hidayah, whom I visited her house once and she was cool.
I miss Farah Nur Syafiqah, whom honesty can't be defeated.
I miss Filzah Wafaa, who was always patient and cared for everyone.
I miss Nur Wahidah, who knows everything about everyone and still care.
I miss Nur Ain, who was the silent type yet so adorable.
I miss Fatimah Huda, whom her appearance I waited longingly.
I miss Nor Zahirah, whom always gave us cute things with pictures of SuJu.
I miss Ho Pui Yeng, the most beautiful and strongest angel I've ever seen.
I miss Pang Sze Lyn, the one who taught me with patient and smiled.
I miss Ang Keh Ho, and her ability to make everyone paid the money.
I miss Chum Yi Xiu, the silent and kind.
I miss Lim Yi Xing, and her smile and laugh which I would never forget.
I miss Law Yong Qi and Law Yong Lin, the twins that I could never separate.
I miss Nurul Amirah, and the struggle we went through to be the two that got straight A from 3C.
I miss Farah Afiqah,  who gave me strength when I was down.
I miss Nurul Atikah, whom her cuteness can't be defeated.
I miss Nur Izwani, who left but her memories still remained.
I miss Nur Athirah, who was the one who can answer "Kaifa Haluki?"
I miss Nur Hidayah, who is a beauty.
I miss Nor Shahirah, who would always smile to me.
I miss Siti Khairiyah, the one who ran as fast as she could and won all the medals.


I miss the ones who moved and I certainly remember each of you.
I miss the other girls of the other classes because they made me think and be a good person.


I miss every single boys though I won't mention names because I won't.


I miss the my secret hiding place where I used to cry alone.
I miss the game Hide and Seek that I used to play with my friends.
I miss the game Scrabble.
I miss going up to the stage to receive prize and everyone will say, "not her again."
I miss the surau where I spent my time to memorize Quran for MTQ.
I miss the canteen and the persons who sold foods and drinks to me and others.
I miss the field where I once ran through when it rain and drenched myself.
I miss the post guard, Kak Ngah and other workers.
I miss the library and the books I registered.
I miss Engineering Drawing room and the dusts.
I miss the labs and the assistants and the equipments I break.
I miss the big clock in front of the school that wasn't moving.
I miss the memorabilia part that I helped to arrange the medals and fell from a chair.
I miss the hall where I sat for PMR and SPM.


I miss the moment when I smiled, and my friends can see it.
They can see the happiness behind it,
they can recognize the pain I tried to hide,
they can differentiate the fake and the true ones.
Which I can never get it here.


I miss the times, when I can write and everybody read and say,
"That certainly was you who write these things."






Wallahua'lam.