Monday, May 28, 2012

Reasons: "Why I didn't blog."

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

This is somewhat, contradict to Reasons: Why People Should Have Blog?

I have been in the semester break for quite a while right now.
Having to work, baking actually for several days in a row. Helped ami with hers and stumbling around here and there in my house.

I had, really, searching for my way how to survive in real world.

In CFS, of course, I had my own schedule.
I had my goal of what to do every day.

There will be usual classes, talaqqi, tasmi' classes and ta'lim.
There will be certain time, that I can choose to be alone. Walking about Block E or sometimes SMAWP3.
There will be, if I had the chance, travelling around.

What I had learnt about travelling was, it is hard to cope with the real world.
Yes, even I can't deny it, there will be people not covering their aurah properly, people who dates, people who smoke and such such. All these people are Muslims.

And that, kept my mind occupied. Thinking.

What would I have been, if I hadn't registered to CFS?

CFS is a safe place to be. There are rules, many rules indeed.
But no one would stay at CFS forever. Neither do I.

So the very first reason I didn't blog is, I didn't know what exactly I want to write about.
One can easily write an Islamic post, people will read it insyaAllah and gain benefit for it.
If it have a good impact, then it will stay for some time. But if it don't, then people will forget.

One can easily write what happened during the day, people will read it and know the writer better perhaps.

One can easily write a story and live in a fantasy.
Not that writing stories are bad, as I write some myself. It just sometimes, if stories are being written too much, then perhaps it is just better to read some history. An Islamic history.

The second reason I didn't write any in these few days; I was occupied.

Writing sometimes takes minutes, sometimes takes hours. I don't want to be in front of my SuperKira that long specially when the oven is full and the timer is ticking.

The third reason; I was confused, really.

Believe me, when a writer is confuse, it is not good.

I am confuse, with what is happening in this world right now.
This is indeed a very personal thought.

I am focusing this part to what is happening in Malaysia right now.
Come on, Bersih 3.0 and Perhimpunan Sejuta Belia?
Come on, debates and stuffs about small matters?

Okay, I get it. It is not a small matter for you, but it is for me.

How did I see it?
In my view, in everything I did, alhamdulillah I had always been grateful I am a Muslim.
When I watch the movie sometimes about how the world is, I am grateful I am a Muslim.

I am grateful that I had the basic knowledge of Islam.
Yes, basic.

What Islam is teaching us is simple and acceptable throughout the ages.
Just imagine of all people, even if they didn't know that much, but at least know the basic and practise it in daily life, insyaAllah the Earth will be a much better place to live.

And yet what is happening?
People who didn't know keep not knowing and enjoying all the entertainment.
People who know more than basics are arguing with each other about things that shouldn't be argue.

Can you please, be simple?

I know about Syiah, Wahabiy, others that I don't want to mention.
I know things that sometimes I wish I don't know but I realise also that Allah had given be the knowledge so I accepted it.
But, I know, perfectly aware that, as a Muslim to another Muslim, we shouldn't dislike each other. We shouldn't argue some things that is tolerable. We shouldn't be pointing fingers.

All this time I didn't want to mention anything about this, not in this blog or even out loud.

But this is going too far.

Some supported Bersih, some condemned it.
Some went to Perjumpaan Belia, some criticized it.

Don't you have better things to do?
Such as pray your heart out for Syria, they are Muslims.
Such as going to somewhere and spread the words of Allah.
Such as stay at home and achieve that Baitul Muslim.

Everyone want Malaysia to be a real Islamic country.

But if you can't adjust yourself, then how can it be achieve?
If you can't take small steps first, then how would you jump to big ones?

People kept saying about how we have to preach [da'wah] to others,
but please, I am literally begging you to mind the usage of your words.

I am happy to hear verses of al-Quran.
I am glad to hear hadith.
I am excited to hear the quotes of wisdom.

But hard comments and harsh words? Laughing over someone mistakes? Even it is totally wrong, a nice, decent advice and prayers insyaAllah would be enough and far more acceptable.

And me, writing all these also are commenting. I hope it would be decent one.

I can't say I am mad, because people make mistakes and I just have to learn how to accept it.
I just can say I am disturbed and distracted.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Remember Allah during times of ease and He will remember you during times of difficulty." [Tirmidhi]

“Be not sad, surely Allah is with us.” (Qur’an 9:40)

O you who have believed, fear Allah and be with those who are true. (Surat At-Tawbah 9:119)


Saturday, May 19, 2012

Travel log 13: Stairway to Heaven.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

I woke up,
with the mind set of going to Masjid al-Mukarramah.
There will be a Kuliyyah by Syeikh Fahmi Zamzam an-Nadwi al-Maliki. I missed the previous one for a reason.

It will be my third time attending the Kuliyyah, but the fourth time going to the mosque.

Lingering around the house, and ami offered a ride to the bus stop. She was in a rush, I was in a rush. And not until I arrived at the bus stop that I realizes, I didn't bring my Quran. I texted ami but the bus had arrived. Never I travel without my Quran.

Looking at the bus, looking at my wallet and the time.

I have my small Yasin and the bus was there. I stepped into it and there goes the bus. Certainly I was heart broken, but I think it shall remind me every moment from now on, to hold to my Quran. The one I always carry around was given by beloved Fatin Husna binti Hamka.

In the bus, I sat besides a fair lady, who is a Muslim. Her name; Zaharah. She is currently working on two jobs also, plus, the pay will be for her college fee, also. I was stunned. She was, just like me.

I dropped by at the central and boarded the KTM to Kepong Sentral. And, again, I boarded the wrong bus. It was suppose to be U86 but as reckless as I am, I went ahead to U8. When I realised what the bus driver meant but not actually going “inside” Bandar Sri Damansara. It means that, I have to walk from the highway to the exit leading to Bandar Sri Damansara.


Definitely, not going to do that again. InsyaAllah.

My next mission was to find a cab for a 3 minute journey to the mosque from the exit. I walked and walked. Founded a taxi at the gas station but he said no. I was sad, crushed, of course. But then I continue my walk, when suddenly I saw a car stopped besides me; it was the cab I just mentioned.

I was startled, thankfully delighted. Alhamdulillah.

Arrived at the mosque few minutes later and I was myself again. Sat where I can see Syeikh Fahmi and listened to every words he said. I borrowed someone pen and she asked me whether I was in high school. When I answered no, she stated that it was because of my voice that she thought I was younger than I actually am.

Writing this down, I remember one day when I received a call and the caller asked for Amirah Hazwani. I told her that it was me who picked up and then she asked what is my age. She mentioned that she thought the one who picked up was a kindergarten or elementary school kid.

I think, I am getting used to it by now.

For the third time also, I stayed until Zohr and left. For the first time I was there, someone gave me a ride. This time, and the last one, I walked to the bus stop.

I gave my thought a lot whenever I walk.

Because I haven't really have much time lately. There was a day when I didn't finish my Quran reciting and I was still reciting when I fell asleep. That day, I dreamt of my ustaz with me in front of him, having to recite the Quran where I left it. He also made me memorize new page.

He said something about muamalat.

And I woke up,
did everything I should and turned on the television. I wasn't a viewer of “Reflection” by Imam Suhaib Webb but I watch it when I watch it. He mentioned about Muamalat with Allah. Muamalat with Habibuna Rasulullah s.a.w. Muamalat with people and others.

I guess, it really hits me in the face, telling me I should take care of my 'ibadah.

There was a night, that I dreamt, of me praying when at the day, I felt that I wasn't praying enough.

Well, truth to be told, dreaming wasn't a big deal. I should have wake up and recite the Quran in real world. I should have wake up and pray.

Allah is reminding me of these things. That I haven't take enough care of my 'amal. What I was thinking about was my amal.

'Amal and amal must be balance.

Saying things, writing things, are easy. You could easily influence one people with your words. I myself can be influence by other people words.

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لِمَ تَقُولُونَ مَا لا تَفْعَلُونَ

But the thing is, you just can't deny, as a Muslim, we are living because of Allah.
We are breathing because of Allah.
We are writing because of Allah.

Allah had never chosen me over you nor chosen you over me.

We are all human, at the same level, with the status of the ummah of the most beloved Prophet, Muhammad s.a.w.

Are you even dare to say that you wish to be the ummah of other prophet?

We could say the word love, we can even write it anywhere. In blogs, facebook wall, twitter.
Yet, aren't we suppose to find a way to say it, by ourselves?
I couldn't imagine of dreaming, the dream that everyone else wishing for.

Meeting with Habibuna s.a.w.

How could I?

With the sins I made, with the little deeds I performed.
With no special assignment I submit, with less presentation I took part.

How could I?

That is a part of the reasons, why I don't think I am weird.
Why I don't think running around to talaqqi or kuliyyah or talk is different from any other person activity in this whole world.
We are not different, at all.

Niqab or hijab doesn't make a distinctive point that separates Muslims.

No engineer would invent something useless.
Neither do Allah. He won't create a useless human.

We may forgot, but He would remind us.
With His way. He might send someone, something or even the wind.

One of the moment when I was walking to Blok E, I arrived there and stood for a second.
The wind blew, the trees moving and I smiled back.

It wasn't coincidence because Allah knows everything.
It wasn't special because I wasn't the only creation who is there.

It just the matter of how we translate things.

Like this post I wrote, from a simple travel log to something I didn't plan to write at all.
All I can say is,


p.s: abstract from the story of Rabiah Adawiyah,

"If I could put off the fire of Hell,
If I could burn Heaven,
then why should we perform 'ibadah?

Change your mind set if you can,
we are solely performing 'ibadah, for HIM."

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Mission Possible: Fund For Egypt.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

This post, is regarding my journey to Egypt.

It is hard, khair. But there are reasons.

I am sorry, for I have kept it as a secret for a long time. Yes, I know that some of you had known, but many, doesn't. Specially those from my own neighbourhood, those from my previous schools.

The first to know was my roommate, then 190 sisters, then my ENGENIUS family and thus my the remainder of 190 and 194.

So there was none except one from Alam Megah who knows, except for the teachers I met when I came to school regarding the certificates and so on.

The main reason I took my time to tell each and every one of you is the same reason why I haven't been in CFS almost every weekends for the whole semester.

I was occupied by the paper-works that must be done. I was doing it alhamdulillah with a friend who understand, and the thing was, it was all on me.

The first year fee, the airplane ticket, the rent for the house and everything you could imagine of, RM 27 720 in total. That will be the amount I have to collect. I tried every way, I went every places. I was at the point of leaving CFS and just work.

And still, some of the things that kept me here hold strong reasons.

Talaqqi, ENGENIUS, 190.

I wasn't that strong to leave everything and work to gather the money. So I stayed, and do the work on weekends. I had visited the post office this semester only not less than four times if I'm not mistaken.

Not be able to eat, and losing weight was a normal thing for me this particular semester. Crying, stop crying and get back on my feet every time. Classes, ENGENIUS and other miscellaneous things get along my journey.

Until the point I can't smile and say I'm okay.

But after every hardship there is a reward, there is an easiness [94: 5-6]

Allah had gave shown me simple, simple things and He made me happy. Such as still being able to go for talaqqi every Sunday and hear Habib' voice. Such as being just steps away from Habib Ali Al-Jufri eventhough at that time I was relatively sad because we were leaving and suddenly he's in front of me. Such as being able to see Habib Umar Ben Hafidz and met various people who were willing to help me. I was having such a journey throughout this semester. My blood and tears were worth it, though I still doesn't own the money.

Therefore from now on and until the day I have to pay all of it, I am doing my own business of selling cookies and bakery goods. All of the profit will insyaAllah be my fund to Al-Azhar University, Cairo, Egypt.

I really wish, for those who know me, or doesn't know, will support everything I do. Only Allah could give back for all the doa and helping hands.

For this current moment, I am offering two type of cookies.

Chocolate Chip Butter Cookies.
44 pieces for RM17.

Chocolate Chip Cookies.
48 pieces for RM17.

Anyone who wanted to order, yes, you may contact me trough my email My facebook account Umairah Hawani.

Delivery to all over Malaysia except Sabah, Sarawak and W.P Labuan.

These are the photos while I was baking. These are for my ustaz Najib who stayed with me during this semester hearing all the surah' I memorized.

Writing from ZC105C, waiting for last tasmi' class tomorrow,
Umairah Hawani.

The last of 194.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Snapshots, of my memories.

While walking in front of IRKHS Building.

Me: "Assalamualaikum."
Her: *blank*
Me: *smile* and left.
Her to her friend: "Is that Amirah Hazwani?"
Her friend: *nod* and "Uhuh."
Her: "Oh, never seen her without niqab before~ I was shocked."

During the "banning" of niqab.

"Sis, this is my first time that I see your face." -message-

Days before exam.
Sir: "Do your revision at least three times."

The night before exam. 
*Open the book for the first time*

After every summarization of each Physics chapter.
Madam: "Physics is simple~"

During exam.

During BTQ.

Me: "If I speak to fast, then please raise up your hand or I will assume that you understand everything that I said."


*saw team mates gave a sign to slow down*

Me: "But they didn't raise up their hand."

*someone raised his hand.*

Me: "But..."
Sir: "It's okay, you can talk as fast as you can~"


Early sem incident.

Me and Aini: "Sir, we want to register for Computer 2."
Sir: "Oh, this is my group~"


At IIUM Gombak. Alone.

Someone: "Umairah Hawani."
Me: *startled*

During Maths.
Sir: "We need to know when to stop the lesson, where is your next class?"
Bro: "Annex~"
Me: *confuse and glance at the back side*
Bro: *silent*

It can't be deny that, some of the snapshots will just be understood by some, and not for some. We haven't made enough memories as a group practically. But all in all, I believe in our hearts, we know that taking a good care of the distances between brothers and sisters, at which until this point I didn't know some of you so do the other sisters.

We were, a group.

We were, very silent to each other.

But we knew, that it was the best for us.

We will, be separated.

And I assume that you will not be with those who behave like we do. And that apply to us sisters also. The good thing, we will learn. The bad thing, we will avoid.

InsyaAllah, biiznillah.


Saturday, May 5, 2012

Irama dan lagu.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Islam itu mudah.
Muzik itu indah.

Pilihan, masing-masing.

طالما اشكو غرامى يا نور الوجود

وانادى يا تهامى يا معدن الجود

Lama sudah aku menanggung rindu;
Wahai cahaya alam yang indah,
Serta aku menyeru, Wahai Nabi s.a.w,
Wahai punca ilmu yang pemurah.

منيتى اقصى مرامى احظى بالشهود

وارى باب السلام يا زاكى الجدود

Impianku setinggi-tinggi cita-cita;
Moga diberikan tuah dapat melihatmu;
Juga melihat Bab al Salam (di Masjid Nabawi);
Wahai sesuci-suci insan.

يا طراز الكون انى عاشق مستهام

مغرم والمدح فنى يا بدر التمام

Wahai hiasan dunia ini,
Aku amat cinta dan rindu padamu;
Hanya pujian menjadi persembahanku;
Wahai bulan mengambang penuh.

اصرف اعراضا عنّي اصناني الغرام

فيك قد احسنت ظنّي يا سامى العهود

Jauhkanlah segala penghalangku daripadamu;
Yang kupendam hanya kerinduan terhadapmu;
Padamu aku bersangka baik;
Wahai yang benar pada janjinya.


يا سراج الأنبياء يا عالي الجناب

يا إمام الأتقياء إن قلبي زاب

Wahai pelita sekalian Rasul!
Wahai insan yang mempunyai setinggi-tinggi kedudukan,
Wahai Imam orang-orang yang bertaqwa,
Sesungguhnya hatiku terpaut padamu.


وعليك الله صلى ربى ذو الجلال

يكفى يا نور الاهلة ان هجرى طال

Ke atasmu, moga Allah mencurahkan rahmat;
Tuhanku Yang Mempunyai Keagungan;
Cukuplah, wahai Cahaya Bulan;
Sesungguhnya perpisahanku denganmu telah terlalu lama.

اللهم صل على سيدنا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه وسلم

Siapa kata, ana tak dengar lagu "kontemporari"?

Terdengar bisikan mesra,
Kalimah keramat bermentera.
Bermulanya siang berakhir malamku
Tak akan ku jemu menyebut namaMu.

Tiada batasan waktu
Tiada tempat Mu tertentu
Di gunung di lembah, di darat, di air
Siapa pun hamba, keikhlasan doa,
Keagungan kasih merubah takdir

Bila ku sedari diri disayangi
Langkah kaki ini semakin berani
Bila terkeliru ku ucap namaMu
Terasa diriku kembali dipandu

Engkau yang pertama tiada akhirnya
Aku dalam kegelapan Engkaulah cahaya
Izinkahlah aku menumpang di sini
Di bawah naungan kasih dan sayang Mu.

Pilihan, masing-masing.
Walaupun ana mengaku, tak adalah ana dengar lagu kontemporari sangat sekarang.
Dan ana juga mengaku, ana "ter"suka Michael Buble, Bach dan lain-lain masa ana "muda" dulu.

Dan ana masih lagi suka, cuma tidaklah mendengar lagi.
Kalau "ter"dengar, tidaklah sehingga lagha, insyaAllah.

Ana pernah, digelar jumud. Bukan setakat depan ana, tapi depan satu dewan, menggunakan pembesar suara.
Ana terasa, tapi sekejap saja alhamdulillah.
Sebab ana tahu,
Pilihan, masing-masing.

Bila seseorang bercakap, itu saatnya kita perlukan telinga.
Untuk medengar.
Bila seseorang menerangkan, itu saatnya kita perlukan akal.
Untuk berfikir.

Bak kata orang, "api jangan dibalas api."
Begitulah, perkataan jangan dibalas dengan perkataan berlawanan.
Diam, dan berfikir.
Kemudian, barulah membalas.

Sukar, tidak dinafikan.
Tapi ana pegang satu sirah yang ana pernah dengar.
Saidina Abu Bakar r.a, meletakkan batu di dalam mulutnya supaya tidak berkata-kata sesuatu yang salah. (Kalau salah, mohon maklum.)
Secara tidak langsung, menjadi salah satu sebab baiknya berniqab.
"Sukar" untuk berbicara tanpa berfikir dahulu.


Hidup dengan redha dan sunnah.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Semalam, ana kembali ke Shah Alam.
Esok, insyaAllah ana kembali ke CFS IIUM.

Hari ini, ana mendapat berita, permohonan pembiayaan ana tidak berjaya.

Khair, ana usaha.

Meniti hari-hari terakhir di Taman Ilmu dan Budi tercinta, ana sering memandang langit.
Satu malam, ketika ana sedang bersama saat terakhir mengulangkaji bersama mentee, Allah memberikan ilham ana memberi sepatah dua kata.

"Kalau ana nak baca al-Quran 40 kali, ana lihat langit."

Sungguhpun sering berbuat begitu, tapi ana tidak pernah meluahkan.
Tidak ana katakan, tidak pula berniat menyimpan.

Hinggalah sekarang ana teringat kata-kata sendiri. Ana melihat langit.

Dan suatu ketika Allah melintaskan bait-bait ayat di fikiran ana.

Adakah langit itu tahu,
akan manusia yang memuji kecantikannya?
Sedangkan ia menyibukkan diri mengingati Allah.

Ana jatuhkan pandangan, memandang padang CFS yang menghijau.

Adakah rumput itu tahu,
akan manusia yang tenang melihat kehijauannya?
Sedangkan ia menyibukkan diri bertasbih memuji ya Rabbi.

Ana teringat laut.

Adakah lautan itu tahu,
akan manusia yang terpegun  dengan kebiruannya?
Sedangkan ia menyibukkan diri memuji kekuatan Pencipta?

Pernah Syeikhuna bertanya, "Kalau melihat bangunan konkrit dan pemandangan semulajadi, melihat mana satu hati akan menjadi tenang?"

"Pasti melihat pemandangan semula jadi bukan? Kerana ia lebih dekat dengan Allah."

Ana mencari-cari ilmu, khair.
Tapi ilmu itu tidak akan ke mana-mana tanpa amal.

Apabila setiap langkah cuba dijadikan sunnah Nabi s.a.w tercinta,
apabila setiap perbuatan cuba mencari keredhaan Tuhan.

Tapi ana tidak mahu ana seorang. Keluarga, rakan, guru-guru, kenalan.

Kebelakangan ini Blok E dikunjungi bukan ana seorang.
Terasa, terganggu.
Tapi ana juga kena sedarkan diri bukan ana seorang tinggal di dunia.

Teringat, apabila menjadi wakil memberi ucapan di jamuan 190, 194, 137.
Ana memberitahu mereka, tentang pemergian ana, jika diizinkan Allah.
Hampir ana menangis, ana tukar topik.

Mulanya ana hairan, kenapa perlu ana bersedih?
Siapakah yang dihadapan itu pada ana?

Kawan ana. Ikhwanul Muslimin ana.

190, sudah tiada.
194, bakal tiada.

190 berpisah daripada dua menjadi tiga: 143, 144, 145.

Ana terharu, dengan kata-kata dua ikhwan yang mengatakan akhwat tidak "bising."
Walaupun ana tahu, antara kami ana adalah yang paling banyak bercakap.

Peperiksaan tinggal lagi 2 hari.
Selepas tamat, ana akan terus bekerja mencari rezeki.
Mencari dana untuk ke Universiti al-Azhar, Kaherah, Mesir.

Tidak ana lakukan sesuatu tanpa ketenangan hati.