Monday, May 20, 2013

He gave me a coin.

Assalamualaikum warahmatuLLAHi wabarakatuh.

اللهم صل على سيدنا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه وسلم

Mubasyaratan ba'da Maghrib, I made my journey towards Bawabah Thani.
Class with Syeikhuna.

I had forgotten for how many times, I wish I will be caught by a musyrif.
I don't have a phone,
and even I do have, I still did not own any number to call.

So I walked alone... again.

I was wondering whether the class will be at IMAM or bayt of Syeikh Rohim.
I decided to just continue my destination to IMAM and if any changes occur, I'll make my way towards Musallas later on.

The tremco as usual full of Arabs. AlhamduLILLAH it was not all men.
Or else, I will fell more isolated.

I sat alone... again.
Playing with my thoughts.

As I arrived and walked towards the end of the road, I was preparing myself coins (LE / genih) to give to the unfortunates. Usually, there will be two. But there was none. So I went through the heavy wind and watched those who passed by me.

There were a family.
The mother covers her baby from the strong wind that brought along tiny sands.

I continued my walk.

There was a father.
He covers her little daughter that he holds by his hands.
She hugged him.

I continued my walk... alone.

As I entered IMAM and waited for Syeikh, I played with my thoughts.
The room was filled, but it was quiet. I chose not to make conversations.
We were taught to sollu 'ala nabi (p.b.u.h) in silence.

صل على الحبيب قلبك يطيب 
Berselawatlah ke atas kekasih hatimu akan harum.

I only realized that -- quite some time after I made my bai'ah.

Those weekly majlis zikr, was to train us. To zikr though in silence. And to only have that option when we are silence.

It made a hole in my heart to know that a friend of mine was not coming yesterday.
She is someone for me. She didn't ask for it, neither do I.
But I love her thoroughly, what to do.

When Syeikh arrived, we all went out to the living room to start our class.
I sat nearest to the door, first row of muslimah in front of the Syeikh.

We began.

Suddenly, Diki made noises. He was the son of ustaz Luqman. Not more than few years old.
Syeikh stalled the class and called him.
He gave him a coin. One genih.

Diki smiled so happily along with everyone else also.
He showed her mother the coin in his hand when suddenly,
he walked towards me.

Uh, yes, me.

He gave me the coin and left. Left to play around.
Everyone was kind of stunned... especially me.
Syeikh said, "Never mind, it is your rizq (supplement)"

And he closed the book of Ithbatul Qadr and said;

"This is the proof, that ALLAH is the ONE who gave rizq, not human."

Everyone was on silent mode.

"I was intending to make the boy happy, but he made another one happy.
Verily, ALLAH is the ONE who can make someone happy or sad.
ALLAH is the ONE who gave tears and laughters.

Our struggles, means nothing in front of Taqdir (of what had been decided).
Whatever was written (in Lauh Mahfuz), will be accepted by us."

Syeikh told us stories about Hatim al-Asom and Zun-nun al-Misr.
Long and must be, beneficial.

He made his way back to the book.
And we learn some mustolah hadith.

Thus the class ended.

Syeikh made a point.
Yesterday was meant for me to receive a genih.
However, it was the perfect way. If Syeikh had gave me directly, perhaps I will be happy.
But, when it was given in such a manner by ALLAH, it made my extremely -- delighted.

It made my day, though I have to walk back alone.

Alone in the darkness of Cairo.

I almost cry, I did perhaps. But what to do.
For more than hundreds of times I had travelled alone,
I still manage to feel lonely.

What to do.
I don't live according to my need and demand.
I am HIS 'abd. HIS slave.

Whatever HE wants, HE wants.
And HE promised, that I shall get my reward.
And I am trying to, do everything, without aiming on that reward.

For I, am a slave.

I may exists, but I may also not.



Thursday, May 16, 2013

Wirid yang dinanti.

Assalamualaikum warahmatuLLAHi wabarakatuh.

اللهم صل على سيدنا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه وسلم

Terjawab sudah mengapa dihadirkan di hati,
menulis kembali.

Persoalan Majmu' Syarif yang kami juga pernah dibelenggu dahulu.
Hingga kini, secara jujurnya kami tidak tahu apakah perlu diletakkan hukum.
Namun, pastilah bukan dari kami.

Jadi kami mengikut kaedah fiqh,
"Apabila bertembungnya dua kemudharatan, pilihlah kemudharatan yang ringan."

Kami memilih sesuai dengan kaedah hadith,
"Apabila dua hadith yang zahirnya bertentangan dan setelah mengikuti turuq (jalan) masih tidak dapat digabungkan, dinasakhkan dan sebagainya -- maka tawaqquf (berhenti)."

Namun bismiLLAHi masyaALLAH, tiada hadith yang ulama' tawaqquf dalam menilainya.


Pertamanya, kitab Majmu' Syarif sudah lama di Tanah Melayu. Banyak pula dijual di maktabah. Jika difikirkan secara aqal, adakah sebuah kitab yang nyata salahnya akan dibiarkan tersebar oleh ulama' di Malaysia?

Kami merasakan tidak.
Walaupun kemungkinan lain tetap ada.

Oleh itu, bagi kami secara peribadi, khair (boleh) saja untuk beramal dengan bacaan, tetapi yang memang nyata sudah bersanad atau pun sekurang-kurangnya ada ulama' yang menyarankan pembacaannya.

Seperti yang kami bicara sebelum ini,
Wirdul Latif dan Ratib al-Haddad khair sahaja untuk dibaca.

Surah-surah di al-Quran juga sudah nyata khair walaupun tidak perlu disebutkan fadhilat.
Mungkin sahaja jika ada yang berniat, sesetangah surah boleh dibaca mengikut niat.

Hadith menyebut :

انما الأعمال بالنيات
Hanyasanya amalan itu itu dinilai berdasar kepada niat

Kaedah fiqh menyebut :

الأمور بمقاصدها
Sesuatu perkara itu berdasarkan kepada tujuannya.

Namun di sini, kami lebih menyarankan membeli kitab wirid yang sudah jelas siapa penulisnya, apa sanadnya dan mungkin kelebihannya.

Kitab himpunan wirid dari Syeikh kami sendiri:
1. Bekal Akhirat, Syeikh Ahmad Fahmi Zamzam al-Maliki.
2. Ratibul Hadad, Ustaz Muhadir bin Hj Joll.
3. Perisai Tiga Kekasih ALLAH, Syeikh Muhammad Fuad al-Maliki.

Dan yang sangat masyhur, amalan pagi dan petang,
1. al-Ma'thurat, al-Imam as-Syahid Hassan al-Banna.

Kerana kami merasakan, yang dipertemukan dengan Majmu' Syarif adalah mereka yang mencari amalan untuk dijalankan sehari-hari.

BismiLLAHi masyaALLAH.


The ultimate question.

Assalamualaikum warahmatuLLAHi wabarakatuh.

اللهم صل على سيدنا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه وسلم

I found myself to skip those very-long-paragraphs that are written even by my friend!
I know for a fact that the contents are good insyaALLAH.
But how I wish it could be much more simpler.

Ya Salaam.

So I just want to make a short question and answers here.
Regarding my ultimate (for me) question to Syeikh.

May ALLAH ease. Ameen.
p.s: the small writings are my comments in heart and reaction. I'm a kid, obviously =="

How do we know that our taubah has been accepted by ALLAH?

Why do you want to know? It is none of your business.
Oh my~

Your duty is to repent, not to know whether it is accepted or not.

What is taubah?

Taubah is to be honest with ALLAH.
Correct your relation with ALLAH.
Taubah is not applying make up on your face.
*huge slap on my face by... me.*


You should be good with ALLAH not 'abduLLAH (servants of ALLAH).

Because, if you please one person,
you might find the others not.
So true, so true.

But if you please ALLAH,
the others will be please of you.

Improve your relation with ALLAH.
*khair ya sidi.*

"The best who make sins are those who repent."

p.s: For those in Malaaaaysia, :D

"Sayangnya ALLAH pada kita,
dia buka pintu taubat seluas-luasnya.
Walaupun kita ulang sejuta kali dosa yang sama,
teruskan taubat.
Jangan putus asa."

Ustaz Azhar Idrus.

Sunday, May 12, 2013


Assalamualaikum warahmatuLLAHi wabarakatuh.

اللهم صل على سيدنا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه وسلم

My parents met in Japan,
married after they went back to Malaysia.
They worked in Japan factories.
They flew back and forth.

And we were there.

Kira, Kika and Kanis,

Kika, Kira and Kanis.

Kanis, Kira and Kika.
Three of us. Kika, Kira and Kanis.
Both of them gained a little bit more attention than me.
Kika was diagnosed from the day she was born with asthma.
Kanis had been the youngest for 5 years.

And I was in the middle.

Either ami or abah will send us to school.
They didn't have the time to pick me up after school. My uncles did. Or the neighbours.
They didn't come during the day parents have to see the teachers. The Open Day.
Except for the last year I was in the primary school.

They never visit me at my boarding school.
I called once per two weeks. For a few seconds.

They gave me total freedom.
Whatever I want to do, I can.
Whenever I want to go out, I may.

Only with the blessings from ALLAH, I became what I become.
Never ever thought that I would be like this.

I'm trying everything that I can do,
to be a good kid.

Not so they can look at me in an awe.
But just because, I could never ever repay back what they did for me.

They let me live.
And they love me for who I am.
Without any conditions attach.

So, who am I, to complain?

Happy Mothers Day.
Though every day is Parents Day.

Kika, Kanis and Kira with Danish and Syahmi who came 5 years apart.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Menepis bisikan nafsu.

Assalamualaikum warahmatuLLAHi wabarakatuh.

اللهم صل على سيدنا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه وسلم

"Wahai saudaraku, para pencari dan penuntut ilmu, 
oleh kerana kesungguhan dan hasrat serta kehausan ilmu ada pada dirimu,
pastikanlah itu dalam kebenaran.

Jangan sampai di dalam niatmu untuk mencapai ilmu itu dengan tujuan untuk mendapatkan sesuatu kebanggaan bagi dirimu sendiri dan untuk keangkuhan terhadap teman sejawatmu, untuk memikat perhatian orang terhadap dirimu sendiri dan untuk mengumpulkan pelbagai keduniawian yang hampa ini.

Maka kalau tujuan niatmu demikian halnya,
itu bererti engkau meruntuhkan agamamu dan membinasakan dirimu sendiri.
Menjual kehidupan hari kemudian yang abadi dengan keduniawian yang fana ini."

al-Imam Hujjatul Islam al-Ghazali.

Kami di al-Azhar dan seluruh Mesir umumnya sedang menjalani hari-hari terakhir tahun pengajian ini. Ada yang sudah bermula menduduki peperiksaan dan ada juga yang hanya menghitung hari.

BismiLLAHi masyaALLAH.

Peperiksaan pertama sudah tamat.

Setakat tahun ini sahaja, untuk Physiology kami diberi mandat menuntut ilmu 6 buah kitab.

Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)
Cell, Nerve and Muscle (CNM)
Cardiovascular System (CVS)
Respiration (RESP)
Digestive System (GIT)

Dua minggu kami di sini menelaah kitab, membina asbab.
Tidak mustahil ALLAH beri jawapan walaupun tidak membaca,
tapi siapa kami untuk berbuat begitu?

Sedarkan diri kami manusia biasa, hamba yang sering meminta,
maka kami membaca.

Tapi satu itu pasti; yang beri ingat bukan banyaknya membaca. Itu asbab.
Tapi ALLAH yang mengizinkan. Itu iman.

"Hanya majnun bergantung kepada asbab." Syeikhuna.

Usai peperiksaan, kami menaip kembali soalan dan jawapan dengan beberapa niat.
Dengan takdirnya, untuk penilaian lisan (oral examination), 3 daripada 6 soalan adalah dari soalan yang kami taip.

Walaupun kedua-dua doktor bukan pembuat soalan, 
walaupun seribu satu soalan boleh ditanya dari 6 subjek,
tetapi ALLAH jua Maha Berkehendak

BismiLLAHi masyaALLAH.

Langkah seterusnya, menuju Biochemistry.

Dengan izinNYA,
perjuangan untuk 3 buah kitab lagi.

Dengan izinNYA,
kami diberi masa untuk membuat statistik dan jawapan untuk soalan tahun sebelumnya di kuliah kami.

Masih dalam proses, mohon doa kami mampu menyelesaikannya.

"Berbuatlah semampu-mu, dan ALLAH akan membalas semampu-NYA" 
Ustaz Luqman.

Untuk rujukan soalan dan jawapan Biochemistry:


Moga ALLAH redha.
Ameen ya RABB.

"Tidak melakukan ibadah kerana takut riak -- itu adalah riak."

Moga setiap nafas hanya kerana-NYA.
Ameen ya RABB.

Menepis bisikan nafsu,
ketahuilah di dalam dirimu itu jua ada ruh.
Ada hati yang mengajak ke arah kebaikan.


Wednesday, May 1, 2013

My Cinderella shoes II,

Assalamualaikum warahmatuLLAHi wabarakatuh.

Yet another Cinderella story,

So she walked as usual during her night time,
living her night life.

Who was she in the day light?
People know but had they noticed?
She does not know and yes, she does not care.

But her life during the night was the best that she could offer to herself.
Wearing her usual Cinderella shoes,
she walked and walked.

Suddenly her footsteps stopped.
She felt weird but not the kind that felt in her heart.
She looked down at her feet,
and realized that her shoes had a hole on it.

Her Cinderella shoes,
used to shine and accompany wherever she went through.
Had had a hole on it.

She was thinking of buying a new one.
A new pair of shoes.

But she reminded herself that she had a spare at home.
Another pair of shoes.

This one is black,
another one is maroon.

She reminded herself,
of a story she was told.

About two siblings who shared the same shoes.
Both are running around, changing and went to school.

Therefore she decided,
no, it is not necessary to buy something new.
Someone else deserves something more, and she knew.

She continued her walk,
towards some place that keeps her heart.
She continued her walk,
and insyaALLAH she will never stop.

With a perfect shoes or not,
anything is perfect with HIM as her GOD.