Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The point.



"Assalamualaikum w.b.t

What is the point?”

The question keep popping in my mind. I always do things. However important, absurd or random that particular thing is, I always, did it. Why?

From time to time, the points of doing things hit me right in the head. There's no light bulb, for sure. Yet, I found the reasons.

The closest example I can get is the accidents that occurred this whole day.

My day stared bright and great. I was waiting eagerly for my Maths paper. I woke up early, went to the examination venue early, and waited. What's the point of waiting? I say, it give me time to revise. I read things I never thought I will read. It came out in the exam.

Then, the exam started. I answered all, most of it using pen. I read all the questions first. What's the point? I say, so I can answer the easiest question for me first. I did 10,9,8, all matrices, first.

I walked slowly back to my room. What's the point? I say, allowing myself to think whether to eat or not. I ate. Veggies.

Arrived at my room, went to next door. What's the point? I say, suddenly I felt the courage to borrow a book. I read it for a few hours now.

Out of the blue, I washed all my clothes. What's the point? I say, I'm going home this Monday, for good.

I went to the bridge to study Physics instead of Computer. What's the point? I say, computer will make me feel drowsy. Physics, on the other hand, is a lot interesting and it makes me think. I suddenly realised why I was so in love with Physics throughout the years.

I had a row with my roommate. Long, long story. I was hurt. I am hurt. What's the point? I say, well, I say, I don't know yet.

Just now, I received a whole bunch of ENGENIUS forms. It was intended to be lying around somewhere in my room. Suddenly I felt like looking through the forms. What's the point? I say, I found out that more than a half of ENGENIUSes came from low-income family. It broke my heart, for not knowing.

Just now, I looked out of the window. There was an accident. What's the point? I say, it made me realise, somehow, somewhere in this world, there is someone, anyone who is going through hard times in life.

What's the point?

Amirah Hazwani, what's the point?

You write something as you think. You always do. You had experienced millions of things, as the half of the world also had.

What's the point, Kira?
What's the point, Goggles?

Wani, answer.

I say, perhaps, sometimes, we don't need any points. I don't have an argument about me studying things I hate, such as Maths. I don't argue when I have to enter CFS. I don't argue when I argue.

I was told to, keep silent. Sometimes, I do feel sad. But I hold my tears. Sometimes, I do feel angry. But I keep it inside. Most of the time, I do feel happy. I smiled.

Most of the times, less is more. Not everyone in the world can read my gestures. Not everyone in the world can look at another person, and knows exactly what he or she is thinking. I have, comparing myself to others, well, felt deserted. One minor thing I have longing to say; the world doesn't revolve around you.

But you might be the world for somebody, or more.

I want one thing. A closure. This is the end of semester. I don't know thousands of people here in CFS and they didn't know me either. So, lets reintroduce.

Hi, my name is Amirah Hazwani. And you are?




Wallahua'lam.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Niqab, the second hardest journey.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.




How do you feel?


When someone post you picture online, in the world wide web?




For most people, it is ok.
No harm is done.


But for me?


It is everything.




I know, I am still not wearing niqab everywhere I go.
But I wear it, every time I could.
Here in CFS, we are not allowed to wear niqab anywhere.
But I broke the rules.
I wear it to attend meetings and when I go out.


People might say,
they can see me during class hours or when I go to the library.


Here is my reply,
not all of you might see me.


There are thousands of students here in CFS.
Choose someone and ask, 'do you know Amirah Hazwani?'


If he or she reply with a yes,
ask again,
'Have you ever seen her face?'


Some of them will reply yes, some will not.


If he or she reply with a no,
then that person never sees me, insyaAllah.


That is my point.




It is not that I want to prove that something.
It is not that I want to brag about me wearing niqab.
But it is me trying to say that, sometimes, people doesn't want to show off their faces.


There's reasons why I wear niqab.


And I personally ask everyone to delete my previous photos.
What will they say,
if they see my current photos been uploaded?


Before this, I was in a very good mood.
My maths carry mark broke my heart, but it is still fine.


But this?
It feels like my broken heart can't be fixed.


The best word to described how I feel -- humiliated.






Wallahua'lam.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Lagi sekali.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.



  1. Dari Anas bin Malik r.a dari Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wasallam; beliau bersabda: “ barang siapa yang meninggal dunia ini ikhlas karena mendambakan wajah Allah (berjumpa dengan dengan rindu & cinta kepada Allah)  dan tidak menyekutukan Nya. Dan mendirikan solat dan membayar zakat dan meningal dunianya Allah redha keatas nya. (H.R ibnu majah dan Hakim)




Darah. Lagi.
Sakit. Lagi.




Ujian.

Wallahua'lam.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Super 11 part 2,

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Ok, I'll say this once and for all.

I don't like,
to be compared.
I don't.

It is fine to say people have common interests in life.
But people have differences also.

Mind you, I am more than what you see.

1. I HATE illogical things. I said, and I quote, "tak logik." I know for a fact that I hate Maths, but still, Maths is a different thing. I definitely hate, as in hate HATE, illogical things.

2. I can't understand simple phrases. I don't want to. It's like, if you are saying something but you are not exactly directing to the point, the percentage of me not understanding whatever you said is 99.9%. I am just not good in that. Please, be direct.

3. I love to do little, unimportant things. Such as, when I walk in tiles, I'll step exactly on the perfect square of the tiles. I don't recklessly step on anything. At the zebra crossing, I'll jump from a yellow line to the next. I know, I am weird.

4. I prefer to be constant. I don't like changes. Not hate, but dislike.

5. I hate veggies. DON'T SERVE ME ANY VEGGIES.
Yet, I am trying to eat some of it now. But I won't if I have a choice.

6. I dislike chocolates. Yup, I bake cookies and cakes and everything. But that doesn't mean I have to eat chocolate, does it? No, I don't like chocolate bars. Yes, I like Choki Choki. No, I don't like puddings, sweets and something like that. No.

7. I like purple. I love purple. But I won't prefer to wear purple.

8. I like peace, calm, and complete silence. There's a reason I always be alone, walk alone, spend my time alone. I want to be alone. I don't like accompany. I don't like people who make noises without a reason -- a logic reason. I like to hum, yes, but only if I am extremely happy or bored.

9. I like to have a pen, every time, everywhere, anywhere. Most of the time, I hang my pens, or I just put it somewhere, available. This is because, once upon a time, I write on everything. I know, it is not a good thing. It means that there is something wrong with your brain functionality. But, from time to time, that habit is gone. I only moves moves my finger whenever necessary.

10. I love Japanese food. Ok, this one doesn't need any explanation. Mum and dad studied at Japan. So, that's it.

11. I like to debate. I like to talk. I like to argue. Within me, there is a part, which will make me remain silent at all time. And there is also a part, which will make me talk at all time.


Done. Still think we are the same?
I hope not.

Allah made us different from each other, distinctive, for a reason.
That is, to be ourselves.

We are not one in a million, but we are one of a kind.

Wallahua'alam.
Barakallah 'alaik.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Half our deen,

Assalamualaikum w.b.t,


takbir, Allahuakbar!




Kef helk?


C:




I just came back from a camp.
A camp I never planned.
But it was a good one, to be honest.
I learnt few things, that the contestants were told not to share,
and I met new friends.


A LOT OF THEM.




When I first arrived,
I recognised few persons, from GCI.
And it hit me right away,
this is not an event for ENGENIUSes only.
It is not even meant to be for ENGENIUSes.
It was for usrah participants.


So what I did was,
stay cool.
I am a friendly person,
but I was going through tough days this month.
And during Fajr, I just knew that he (who shall not be name) left.


I don't know what to do.
I don't know what t react.


I decided to go straight to the camp after Maths,
after I gave my beloved sir a mini hamper from our class to his baby, Nur Amni.
I decided to "forget".


But Allah knows the best.
He didn't give me a chance to forget.
Few things happened and shall be kept as secrets.
The camp taught me a lot.
To be a better muslimah and da'ie.


"Any one who says 'Lailahaillallah' is a da'ie."


I spent my time memorizing hadith and Quran.


Biiznillah, on my way to memorizing the Quran al-Kareem.
Biiznillah, on my way to be - half of someone' deen.


During my journey from Gombak back to Shah Alam,
I intentionally slept on the train.
I missed two stations.


Don't do that again, Amirah Hazwani.


This upcoming week, examination will start at cfs.
I'll do my best.
I'll do my best.
After my time here in cfs over, I am thinking of moving on.


So, perhaps, I am not going to Gombak.
I don't know.


Wallahua'lam.
Barakallah 'alaik.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Brothers&sister,

Assalamualaikum w.b.t,


this post is dedicated to: the click five, BROTHERS&SISTER.


Along,
Angah,
Alang,
Acik,
Adik, and um, this is me.


I lost all of you guys now.
Since Angah was the last one to enter university, yesterday.
I lost all of you.


Thank you for always been there for me.
For giving me millions of gifts.
I would not be fluent in English if Along doesn't teach me.
I don't even know how to text if Angah doesn't give me my c3.
I would have no one to bully if Alang is not always available
I won't know what the heck is Photoshop if Acik doesn't show me.


I know,
I was always your little sis.
Your adik.


But all of us are so busy,
it broke my heart.


Who else would listen to me?
My long, long stories about my everyday life?
None.


None.
Nevertheless, I love you guys, as a sister should have love her brothers.
Lillahita'ala, until Jannah, biiznillah.


Wallahua'lam. Barakallah 'alaik.

Hidupku, matiku.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t,


serius, letih.


Saya semakin lupa.
Tadi, saya lupa hari ini hari apa.
Tertinggal kelas Arab.
Maafkan saya, ustaz.


Saya semakin pelik.
Sekejap sedih, sekejap gembira.
Apa yang pasti,
setiap kali diri sendiri,
pasti bersedih.




Do you have your own hiding place?
I had two.
One at SAMTTAR.
One at SMKAM2.


Everytime,
everytime,
I feel like to cry,
I went to my hiding place.


But here in CFS,
I don't have one.
I don't know where I can hide and cry, alone.




Kenapa, orang selalu salah sangka?
Buat baik sedikit, ingat lain.
Bercakap lebih sedikit, ingat lain.
Apatah lagi, kalau tak bercakap.


Kenapa?


Diri ini, suka sangat menulis.
Tapi mungkin sedikit yang sedar,
seorang penulis lebih suka bercerita.
Saya, lebih suka, mengatakan sesuatu.
Tapi tiada yang bertanya.


Hanya sekadar mesej,
apakah saya akan membalasnya?


Saya mungkin banyak menulis,
anda mungkin banyak membaca.
Tapi bukan semua dapat dibaca.


Wallahua'lam. Barakallah 'alaik.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Super 12,

Assalamualaikum w.b.t,




A secret makes a woman, woman.


That's the point. You don't know who I am. We're different.
Thanks for not trusting me.






Wallahua'alam. Barakallah 'alaik.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Saidina Umar Al-Khattab


Assalamualaikum w.b.t,
These are a collection of the words of wisdom from my favourite Khalifah, Saidina Umar Al-Khattab.
“duduklah dengan orang-orang yang bertaubat, sesungguhnya mereka menjadikan segala sesuatu lebih berfaedah.” (Tahfdzib Hilyatul Auliya I/71)
“Kalau sekiranya kesabaran dan syukur itu dua kendaraan, aku tak tahu mana yang harus aku kendarai.”  (Al Bayan wa At Tabyin III/ 126)
“Sesungguhnya kita adalah kaum yang dimuliakan oleh Allah dengan Islam, maka janganlah kita mencari kemuliaan dengan selainnya.” (Ihya’ Ulumuddin 4/203)
“Hendaklah kalian menghisab diri kalian pada hari ini, karena hal itu akan meringankanmu di hari perhitungan.” (Shifatush Shafwah, I/286)
"Raihlah ilmu, dan untuk meraih ilmu belajarlah untuk tenang dan sabar." 
"Orang yang paling aku sukai adalah dia yang menunjukkan kesalahanku." 
"Aku mengamati semua sahabat, dan tidak menemukan sahabat yang lebih baik daripada menjaga lidah.Saya memikirkan tentang semua pakaian, tetapi tidak menemukan pakaian yang lebih baik daripada takwa. Aku merenungkan tentang segala jenis amal baik, namun tidak mendapatkan yang lebih baik daripada memberi nasihat baik. Aku mencari segala bentuk rezki, tapi tidak menemukan rezki yang lebih baik daripada sabar." 
"Barangsiapa takut kepada Allah SWT nescaya tidak akan dapat dilihat kemarahannya. Dan barangsiapa takut pada Allah, tidak sia-sia apa yang dia kehendaki."  
"Orang yang banyak ketawa itu kurang wibawanya. Orang yang suka menghina orang lain, dia juga akan dihina. Orang yang mencintai akhirat, dunia pasti menyertainya. Barangsiapa menjaga kehormatan orang lain, pasti kehormatan dirinya akan terjaga."
"Manusia yang berakal ialah manusia yang suka menerima dan meminta nasihat."
"Barangsiapa yang jernih hatinya, akan diperbaiki Allah pula pada yang nyata di wajahnya." 
"Barangsiapa menempatkan dirinya di tempat yang dapat menimbulkan persangkaan, maka janganlah menyesal kalau orang menyangka buruk kepadanya." 
"Kebajikan yang ringan adalah menunjukkan muka berseri-seri dan mengucapkan kata-kata lemah-lembut." 
"Didiklah anak-anakmu itu berlainan dengan keadaan kamu sekarang kerana mereka telah dijadikan Tuhan untuk zaman yang bukan zaman engkau."

Wallahua'lam, barakallah 'alaik.

The uncountable blood,

Assalamualaikum w.b.t,


Yup, blood is uncountable.
And yet in Arab, there's jama' for blood.


Use:
Google translate.


Wallahua'lam. Barakallah 'alaik.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Super 11,

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Have you ever thought that there is somehow, someone who is exactly like you?
I've met people who fit as my conjugate,
who is totally different than me,
but exactly like me?
That's a no for almost 18 years I lived.

But, somehow, I think I've met this weird person in the awkward moment at unsuitable place and time.

And I'm not loving it.

So I want to prove that he/she (I will not say what the gender is) is not the only one who is exactly like me.
Let's make a survey then.

These are, officially, few hidden secrets of me.
I'm revealing most of it.
I am unbelievably tired of saying this and that about me.
So, anyone who read this, tick which one we have in common.
We are somewhat related if we have some common interest C:

Let's start:

1. I love Ice Lemon Tea since standard 6. Most of you know this but then, what is the reason? Truthfully, when I was standard 6, I was ultimately in love with a Taiwan boy band which is F4. At that time, they were doing commercials on Ice Lemon Tea and Pepsi. As I don't think I would like Pepsi, I chose Ice Lemon Tea. Since that, eventough F4 doesn't last as a group, my love for Ice Lemon Tea never faded. Give me my Ice Lemon Tea whenever I feel sad, mad or even neutral. I'll love it. Preferably, Justea.

Another reason why I liked it for so long is that, my father marry his second wife that year. And I was devastated but I didn't show. I thought, nothing can last forever. Not even love. So I try to like something and keep it. This year, it is officially the 7th year of my anniversary with my Ice Lemon Tea.

2. I love country music and nasyeed. Guitars are meant to be for country musics. I like the electric ones but the one at my home is a classic one. Classic. Nasyeed is the best genre ever invented. When my father bought the keyboard, I fell in love with it but seriously, piano is better. However, this doesn't mean I don't like R&B, Jazz and others. But I despise Heavy Metal.

3. I hate speed. I hate as in hate. But is is more to afraid though. Yes, I do know I love to run around and I am fast, ehem. The reason I prefer to run fast and drive fast eventhough I hate hate hate speed? Because I want to get it over with. When I start to run, I always think, I hate this, and I want to end it nowwww. So I run fast. When I drive, I kept thinking, I'm going to have a accident, so I drive fast. I know somewhat it doesn't make sense, but it's okay.

4. I like to write sentences using my name. Or Muhammad. Because? It's easy. Don't have to think of another when you have your own name.

5. I hate Maths. There is no reasons. I hate the fact that I am searching the value of x or f(x) when I do not know what the reason is. I know Maths is logic, but for a FACT, you don't use Additional Algebra in your life everyday. Yes, we do use simple Maths. Simple Maths.

6. I want to be an automotive engineer. My uncles are mechanics... So I kind of live in a world where cars, are, important.

7. I support Manchester United since I was 15. It is kind of late to support a team but then, glory glory Man U C: I bought everything you can think of about Man U. Just because of, Edwin Van der Sar. He's the man. I adore him because, well, if you ever have the chance of being a keeper, then you'll know how hard your heart is pounding when the ball gets near to you.

8. I like to put same name for everything and that is superkira. My laptop, phone, thumbdrive are all superkira. Eventhough my email is kyra_in@yahoo.co.uk, which is, well, not superkira, there's a reason behind that email. Want to know why? Ask me personally.

9. I am afraid of blood. I am afraid of the idea of being hurt, physically. Seriously. I can mention blood my own but don't you dare to mention about it in front of me. SERIOUSLY. If I said that I don't like it, I don't.


10. I am okay with heights but I don't like it that much.


11. I am scared of ants. For serious. Don't don't and don't show me ants. Especially the big ones. Don't.


Ok, I am tired. It is now 2 a.m in the morning. I'll continue later on.


Wallahua'lam. Barakallah 'alaikum C:

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Who are you when I'm not looking?

Assalamualaikum w.b.t,


and Raya for me is over.


It's not that I'm superduper excited to celebrate Raya this year,
but


it is one of the two celebrations for Muslims.
So


why shouldn't I be happy
at least


for one day.








I am not in my best mood. There are reasons.
Which of course, I don't feel like to write,
I feel like to talk.


And I don't feel like to talk, unless the person is able to listen.
I feel like wanting to write two posts today.
Sigh.
I'm bored and
tense.