Saturday, October 30, 2010

Confession of Ice-Lemon-Tea-holic,

Assalamualaikum.


SPM is getting nearer.
I don't know what else to say in my blog.


OH,
I don't drink Ice Lemon Tea that much now.
I usually drink one or two glasses of Ice Lemon Tea everyday.
But since my birthday,
I had stopped.


I was addicted, literally, to Ice Lemon Tea.
Since I was in standard 6, (6 years now)
I kept drinking it whenever I feel sad nor happy,
every single time.


I looooove Ice Lemon Tea to death.
If someone asks me to choose between Ice Lemon Tea and a bunch of money,
I'll use that money to buy Ice Lemon Tea.


The reason that I stop drinking for a while is,
I was afraid of sugar level in my blood.
What if I got diabetes?
Therefore,
I made a decision,
to stop for a while.


JUST FOR A WHILE.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Demi masa.

Assalamualaikum.


Baru menghabiskan masa 2 jam belajar Matematik Tambahan.


Sangat-sangat mengantuk dan penat.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

A song long ago,

Assalamualaikum.


I hadn't post for a while. Not that this blog have readers, anyways. But memories are meant to be kept. So, I hope I can treasure my memories as most as possible.


A few times in my life, I said to myself,


"I won't forget this moment."


Then, within a certain amount of time, I forgot.


Nothing can change though. Not even me and my liking of Ice Lemon Tea.


I've read a few blogs now. Some were good, most were not. People posted everything they could think and like of. Songs, pictures, stories, etc. Nice. I thought that I could also do the same thing. But what should I post? For me, this is not like sharing an Youtube video on Facebook. This is far more important than that. I am going to post the first song in my blog.


What song would I choose?


I think, rethink, and rethink again.


And I've decided.


This song I've liked for many years. Sometimes I do forgot the title, and I don't listen much of it. But this broken-hearted-theme song had stayed in my heart long before I broke my own. A proof that I shall listen more to those with experiences.






Thursday, August 5, 2010

Pertama.

Assalamualaikum.

Saya tak pernah menulis maklumat di blog ini di dalam Bahasa Melayu sebelum ini. Bukan bermaksud saya tidak menyayangi apatah lagi menghormati Bahasa Melayu sebagai bahasa ibunda, tetapi kerana kasih sayang dan rasa hormat sayalah, saya tidak mahu membuat kesilapan di dalam penulisan Bahasa Melayu saya di sini. Secara amnya, saya tidak mahu pembaca yang sudi 'menjenguk' blog saya terpengaruh dengan bahasa pasar ataupun bahasa rojak yang sering saya pertuturkan dalam kehidupan seharian saya.






Hmm, sudah lama saya tidak menulis. Apay yang perlu diperkatakan?

Kehidupan seharian sejak kebelakangan ini sangat sibuk.

Dan sejak kebelakangan ini juga, hati saya kerap kali tersentuh.

Salah seorang guru saya berkata:

"Amirah, awak macam anak saya. Selalu gembira, seperti tiada masalah."

Betulkah?

Dengan hanya menaip di sini, saya sudah mahu menangis.

Semalam, seorang guru memegang tangan saya dan berjalan beriringan dengan saya buat seketika.

Adakah saat itu akan berulang?

Dua insan, walaupun tidak rapat dengan saya, seorang nenek tiri saya dan seorang lagi bekas rakan sekolah ayah saya, sudah menyambut seruan Illahi.

Bilakah waktu saya?

Tidak bermaksud saya meminta dipendekkan umur. Tetapi, sebagai peringatan untuk diri sendiri.

Dua hari lalu, saya, Aisyah dan Mursyidah berlari bersama-sama. Gembira apabila Mursyidah dibenarkan mengikut lawatan. Semalam, kami sekali lagi berjalan bersama-sama.

Selepas tamat SPM, saya akan ke Jepun (InsyaAllah), Mursyidah akan pulang ke Indonesia dan Aisyah akan berada di Malaysia. Adakah sepuluh tahun lagi kami akan masih seperti semalam dan kelmarin?

Yang terakhir, yang membuatkan saya hampir menangis (saya pandai menahan air mata :D),

Meor Alfarid.

Benar, saya tidak mengenali dia sama sekali.
Benar, dia juga tidak mengenali saya.

Tetapi kisah dia dan rakan-rakannya, amat memberi kesan kepada diri saya.

Saya tidak mengetahui kisah Meor secara spesifik, jadi saya tidak mahu menaip di sini. Saya tidak mahu menyampaikan ayat-ayat yang salah yang mungkin akan melukakan hati anda.

Apa yang saya mahu katakan adalah, hari yang berlalu semakin sukar untuk ditempuhi. Bukan kerana SPM yang semakin menjelang, tetapi kerana tahun terakhir yang semakin menutup tabir. Anda mungkin tidak merasakannya sekarang, tapi anda akan mengalaminya suatu masa nanti. Ada juga yang pernah merasakannya, tetapi rasa itu tetap tidak sama. Tiada siapa dapat mengatakan dengan benar, "Aku faham apa yang kau rasa," kerana rasa setiap manusia setiap saat itu berlainan. Hanya manikam yang mengenal jauhari. Jadi, tidak mungkin semua orang memahami satu sama lain.

Tidak mungkin, anda mengenal saya sedangkan saya tidak mengenal diri sendiri.

Mungkin secara psikologi, seseorang itu akan mengatakan saya tidak sempurna kerana tidak mengenal diri sendiri. Tetapi, saya tidak merasakan begitu. Saya merasakan pengetahuan saya tentang diri saya sudah cukup buat masa ini. Selebihnya, saya biarkan saja manusia di sekeliling saya menilai. Adakah salah saya berfikir sebegini? Saya tidak tahu jawapannya.


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Thoughts.

I only take advices, from those - who in my opinion - is a wise person.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Surprise, surprise.

Assalamualaikum.

I arrived at school at 9.50 a.m.

Yup, I was late.

My classmates were shocked when they saw me entered the class. I was shocked too.

Last Friday, most of the Form 5 Muslims went to the mosque and had Qiam for 3 days. It ended the day before yesterday. For me, it was boring at first, irritating in the middle, great after that and normal later. I cried a lot this time compared to the last Qiam.

I thought my batch will be all right and find a way back to a peaceful life, but I stand corrected. Yesterday, I received so many complaints until I didn't know what else to do besides listening. As I was listening to Alang's while waiting for teacher to come, the door opened- pushed by someone, and the teacher came in. We were in the room besides our class. The teacher was furious as there were only the two of us in there. Honestly, I just realized it. I JUST REALIZED. People, I was too busy with my brother and trying to find a solution in my head when YOU guys thought that we were dating. Oh come on, he is my brother for God sake. Use your brain lah.

It was ok at first. Then, when I was about to leave the school, another teacher called me and we talked about "Library's Week". After that, I discussed with another teacher about few arrangements for the book fair. I went downstairs after it all finished. Guess, who did I met?

Smiling, I greeted him, Azrul, Angah, Reez Reez, Fatin and Filzah.

Angah and Reez Reez left.

So did Fatin and Filzah.

Then I asked him what did he talked about.

Azrul said, "You'll know later. Maybe on Thursday."

"Did I do something wrong?"

"There's something that will humiliate you. Think about it and 'muhasabah diri," "he" replied.

I left.

I can't stand there anymore.

I can barely walk and think.

I knew that being alone with a boy in a room is wrong. But we never did anything. Do you know how much I suffered? He is my brother. I care about him. Do you? If you do, why didn't you just say, "get out from the room." Why did you must let the whole school to know? It was the first time!

I prayed and went back home. Just imagine how humiliating it is to know that all the drivers were watching you.

I told my cousin that I don't want to go to school today but when I woke up, I had a bad feeling. So I ironed my clothes and walked to school.

I found out that there was a fight between my classmates and Alang was in the small room.

After I finished my work, I went to see Alang for a while and sat at my place.

I don't want to be interrupt.

Later on, after Physics, Ecah gave me something to eat as I don't eat for 12 hours. Syidah bought me Ice Lemon Tea and my mood really change after that.

I played (while learning) in our Chemist lab.

Few things happened but I don't want to type as it involved "him".

For the second time in my life, I HATE someone. I forgive the first one long ago.

If you ever got the chance to read this,
Please note that I won't forgive you and never will talk to you.
Until the day that Allah open my heart to forgive,
You will remain the only person I ever hate.

I regretted that I never speak trash about you before,
That I praised you in front of every person I ever knew,
That I actually worried about you when you were in a bad mood.

I will never, in my whole life,
Approve you to say my name ever again.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Long time no see eh?

Assalamualaikum.

Walawey,

I haven't blog in a while now.

It was not like there were nothing to say, but the holidays were so damn boring that I lost my time for nothing.

Langkawi's trip was great. Sakif actually asked me why I didn't tell him that I will be gone. I don't know what to explain. I was afraid of what he will think of me if I text him every single details. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I don't want to bother him like I don't want to bother Perplex once upon a time ago.


First week of holidays.


Langkawi's trip - CHECKED.


Back home on Wednesday.


I woke up late on Thursday so I rushed to my school for a meeting. I was so damn late that by the time I arrived, they were about to leave.


Then I came early on Friday for a English class and another meeting for the school's magazine. It was normal at first. Amar showed up and accompany me. All theother crew doesn't show up. Suddenly, Perplex's mother - a teacher - said to me, "I want you to make the Editor's page," without even looking at me. I said ok and she replied, "You are the Editor." And I was stunned. Amar was too.


I can't believe I have the chance to say it out loud now,


I am the editor of SMKAM2's school magazine.






Second week of holidays.


Last Saturday my family and I went to the cinema and watched "Prince of Persia: Sand of Time". The actor - eyes, especially - was gorgeous. I could have just drop dead there. Thank God the actress was pretty too as I would have demand her to be replace with me.


I've got three hour E.D class on Tuesday and I have to accompany Farah as her family went out. We - Farah, her aunt and me - walked to Acik's stall and ate there. A few minutes later Angah and Alang showed up. They called me before and I asked them to come. We waited until Acik finished his tuition class and I saw uncle Irfan. I never met him before as we only chat in FB so I was afraid to say "Hi." Well, my brothers were there so I don't think it was a good idea to greet him.


Farah, her family and I went to the movie on Wednesday. I took care of Fashiha and Nina as usual. Aww, I love them. We went to see "The Karate Kid." It was boring but at least there was John Mayer's song, Say.


These holidays, Alang and Angah kept calling me. I wanted to always be there for them no matter what. But I know I can't. I chatted a few with Acik on FB. I didn't hear much from Along. I don't know what to say but one thing for sure, I love my brothers.


And I care for Sakif also.


Despite the fact that they can't replace Perplex, they relieved my pain a bit.


Jazakallah Khairan.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Yet again.

Assalamualaikum.

Yet again, I cried.

I am crying, actually.

Life is hard, I know. And I really want to call somebody, but I am afraid. It is late now. I'll feel guilty if I wake someone's up.

I had stopped crying.

But I will start again soon.

I am desperate, I know. Foolish little girl.

Bye for now. I'll be back soon.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Random.

Assalamualaikum.


I just realize I never introduce myself huh? (laugh)
Ok, here are common things that I suppose, even my worst enemy know:


My name is Amirah Hazwani.
Commoners call me Amirah.
Family members call me Kira.
Really old friends call me Goggles.
Teachers call me Hazwani.


I was born on 21st October 1993.
I live in Shah Alam, Malaysia for 17 years now.


I move to SMKAM2 since I was Form 3.
You do not know how much I love my school.


My 4-years-dream is to be a teacher and open my own private-all-Muslim-high school.
And it will be established as: QAISER HIGH.


I love Japanese food, influenced by my parents whom studied at Japan.
I am workaholic, tachophobia.
Few things that I like are:
Purple lavender, simulation games, classic English novels.


I hate chocolate except for mint chocolate ice cream.
I hate when people asks about me behind my back.
Few things that I hate are:
Ants, rat, late, blood, heights, scary movie.


People,
Please take note that I am super childish.
And I do have that kind of voice that mirror can break into pieces, seriously.
I may be mature at certain time though.
So if I am angry nor sad,
Please stay away.
I'll be fine in just a few silent moments.


Thank you.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Another turning point.

Assalamualaikum.

There is one particular event that happened to me this day change my perspective in live.

I was always thought that,
"If I was a top student, I'll be alienated."

With that, I never study in advance. I never study more than I should. I kept my knowledge as minimum I can, as a normal student. I know it is weird, but I felt guilty when I got higher mark than my friends. Face it, I only learn a few hour before exam and still, I got the same mark as those who stay up every night and study. I HATE MY MARKS. As a result, I just concentrate at school, so I can basically know what I need to (even some teachers said I always day dreaming, I never did actually). I didn't prepare for exam and just flip the pages in my books. But March test result is killing me. 'Come on,' I said to myself. 7A 3B? Highest in Bio and Perd? Gosh, I DID NOT DESERVE THAT. I was proud for a few second but then, looking at my friends, I felt guilty.

Since Form 3, my friends and I always write our marks in a paper and just compare to see who wins. But this year, I found out that they did that without me. The reason? My marks are obviously higher than them. Seriously, I did not know where those marks came from. Yup, I admit I woke up at 3 in the morning to read books when it was exam days. But it was only for those days and I got few hour for tons of subjects. I can't just walk into the class and answer, can  I? GOSH. It really was a sad moment.

So I keep pushing myself away from extra information. Even a genius will be dumb if he didn't revise right? That is exactly what I was trying to do. At least I will not be a freak. At least I am normal.

Then today, 7th April 2010, something happened in Physics class.

It started with Zafran telling me that our Phy teachers scolded Perplex in class. He slept. Yeah, it is his fault. So I was afraid that she will be in a bad mood in our class. So I quickly do my homework and a "Challenge Yourself" exercise. I asked Soliheen and he found out that he didn't try it too. Then I asked Ho and she said she had forgotten. The three of us quickly try to find the correct way to explain the answer (KBKK). I finished mine, along with Ho and Sol. And at that time, we heard the bell rang, off we go to the laboratory with heavy hearts.

In the lab, teacher asked about the question and suddenly, I found myself in a group discussion with Ho, Sol, teacher and myself. We discussed for at least 20 minutes or so. Teacher was still nice. I was grateful :) I can't believe that I actually discussing Physics this hard. And I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. Being the person with the least IQ amongst those three, I felt humble. I know I have the brain to do the work, it just that I don't want to.


After we had finished discussing and came out with a simple yet logic answer (I hate illogical things), Sol explain it to the whole class. After he had completed, teacher started to say a few things. Yeah, I do realise that being a teacher is not an easy job. I want to be a teacher too, but then, like most people said, it is not my destiny to just be a teacher. So back on her story, few of us almost cry when she told us about the stress etc. I was blaming Perplex in my heart that moment. I'll make sure he apologise after this.


It comes to and end where I feel that it is not my fault I am a little bit brighter. My A's are not a sin. It is a must. I, Amirah Hazwani, am not destined to fail and be like others. I must get straight A's in SPM. I must study abroad and bring back all the goods and faith to Malaysia. I must serve my country as a Sustainable Design Engineer and then, I will, of course, settle down and live my dream.