Another turning point.

Assalamualaikum.

There is one particular event that happened to me this day change my perspective in live.

I was always thought that,

"If I was a top student, I'll be alienated."

With that, I never study in advance. I never study more than I should. I kept my knowledge as minimum I can, as a normal student. I know it is weird, but I felt guilty when I got higher mark than my friends. Face it, I only learn a few hour before exam and still, I got the same mark as those who stay up every night and study. I HATE MY MARKS. As a result, I just concentrate at school, so I can basically know what I need to (even some teachers said I always day dreaming, I never did actually). I didn't prepare for exam and just flip the pages in my books. But March test result is killing me. 'Come on,' I said to myself. 7A 3B? Highest in Bio and Perd? Gosh, I DID NOT DESERVE THAT. I was proud for a few second but then, looking at my friends, I felt guilty.

Since Form 3, my friends and I always write our marks in a paper and just compare to see who wins. But this year, I found out that they did that without me. The reason? My marks are obviously higher than them. Seriously, I did not know where those marks came from. Yup, I admit I woke up at 3 in the morning to read books when it was exam days. But it was only for those days and I got few hour for tons of subjects. I can't just walk into the class and answer, can  I? GOSH. It really was a sad moment.

So I keep pushing myself away from extra information. Even a genius will be dumb if he didn't revise right? That is exactly what I was trying to do. At least I will not be a freak. At least I am normal.

Then today, 7th April 2010, something happened in Physics class.

It started with Zafran telling me that our Phy teachers scolded Perplex in class. He slept. Yeah, it is his fault. So I was afraid that she will be in a bad mood in our class. So I quickly do my homework and a "Challenge Yourself" exercise. I asked Soliheen and he found out that he didn't try it too. Then I asked Ho and she said she had forgotten. The three of us quickly try to find the correct way to explain the answer (KBKK). I finished mine, along with Ho and Sol. And at that time, we heard the bell rang, off we go to the laboratory with heavy hearts.

In the lab, teacher asked about the question and suddenly, I found myself in a group discussion with Ho, Sol, teacher and myself. We discussed for at least 20 minutes or so. Teacher was still nice. I was grateful :) I can't believe that I actually discussing Physics this hard. And I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. Being the person with the least IQ amongst those three, I felt humble. I know I have the brain to do the work, it just that I don't want to.


After we had finished discussing and came out with a simple yet logic answer (I hate illogical things), Sol explain it to the whole class. After he had completed, teacher started to say a few things. Yeah, I do realise that being a teacher is not an easy job. I want to be a teacher too, but then, like most people said, it is not my destiny to just be a teacher. So back on her story, few of us almost cry when she told us about the stress etc. I was blaming Perplex in my heart that moment. I'll make sure he apologise after this.


It comes to and end where I feel that it is not my fault I am a little bit brighter. My A's are not a sin. It is a must. I, Amirah Hazwani, am not destined to fail and be like others. I must get straight A's in SPM. I must study abroad and bring back all the goods and faith to Malaysia. I must serve my country as a Sustainable Design Engineer and then, I will, of course, settle down and live my dream.