Monday, January 30, 2012

Bersama para malaikat,

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Rasul s.a.w berkhutbah;

"Wahai umatku, kita semua dalam kekuasaan ALLAH SWT dan cinta kasihNYA maka taat dan bertaqwalah kepadaNYA. Ku wariskan dua perkara kepada kalian, Al Qur'an dan Sunnahku. Siapa yang mencintai Sunnahku, bererti mencintaiku dan kelak orang-orang yang mencintaiku akan masuk syurga bersama-sama aku."

Peganganku dan pegangan kamu, Al- Quran wa Sunnah.

Kekasihku dan kekasih kamu, Allah dan Nabi Muhammad s.a.w.

Luang-luangkanlah masa, fikir-fikirkanlah cara.
Menambahkan cinta kepada Rabbi dan Sayyidi.

Diri ini hanya manusia.
Diingatkan dan mengingatkan perkara biasa.

Sungguh menyayangi antum saudara seIslamku.
Namun kadang-kadang cintaku bagaikan cinta reranting kepada api.
Diri hendak berkorban, maka terbakar.

Adakah patut menjauhkan diri kembali?


Friday, January 27, 2012

The moment I chose Tom over Jerry.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

My siblings and I were exposed to cartoons as soon as ASTRO were promoted. It might be the cause we never go out and play at the park just outside our house. Mind you, for serious, I didn't have those you called; childhood friends. I do, as the matter of fact, had imaginary friends.

It isn't all about friendship I want to type about.
It is about maturity; the level of it and when people normally will be called matured enough.

It took me quiet a while to accomplish an acceptable public maturity level. Because I might had been too serious during my childhood days until I was 12, then when I moved on the my teen years, I reversed my maturity process. And there might be, I believe, something to do with my voice. Alhamdulillah, not everyone will hear my voice ;D

Once I read that when we were young, we will prefer to support Jerry (as in Tom & Jerry) for its intelligent to escape Toms' trials to catch it. However, we will feel sorry for Tom as we get older, or more mature, as we begin to think that it is, obviously, Toms' responsibility to catch Jerry and most of the time it failed and it will get hurt.

Note: It is weird to type “it” referring to Tom or Jerry.

When I think about that statement, I realised that I had chose Tom over Jerry years ago. Because people kept asking; “Tom or Jerry?” and I would say Jerry. But it wasn't long until I had the answer Tom. The question here is why my maturity doesn't reflect on my action?

Plus, whenever I took maturity level quizzes, I would almost get the same result of a kid or “acceptable.” Rarely, or should I say never do I get the result of a nicely matured person. Again, I am turning 19 this year and Sultan Muhammad al-Fateh had conquered Constantinople on the age of 21. I wouldn't say that I want to conquer a country but at least, I want to do something fairly good and beneficial.

Ahmad Soliheen had achieved his 10A+.

Yet, I wasn't jealous. It was his achievement and I'll wait for mine to come.

More about cartoons, I gave my thought about Shin Chan and Doraemon. It took me a while until the day I dislike Nobita and feel uncomfortably pity for Shin Chan. The only thing I valued very much of both of these stories are their friendship among others. Among Nobita, Doraemon, Sizuka, Giant and Suneo. Among Shin Chan, Kazama, Nene, Bo and ... I forgot the one who is bald.

Not to mention the awkward family relationship in Chibi Maruko Chan.

And the sisterhood in Sailormoon,

the patience of Ran in Detective Conan,

the thoughts in Q Detective School and Penyiasat Remaja Kinichi,

the trio in Siri Salma and Hardy' Boys,

the slowness in Rin Tin Tin,

the pirateness in One Piece,

the struggle in Naruto,

the breads in Yakitate! Japan,

all those I read, in Kreko, by internet, Pedang Setiawan such such.
I haven't read or watch any for a while now. Books had its replacement of a better ones, movies will be replaced by documentaries and real life stories.

Me will be replaced by another me.

The “another” that had the idea to write this kind of post by just accidentally saw people splashing water to others and suddenly thought; “I won't prefer to do that.” That made the old me think, “Since when you don't like to play?”

I don't like the rain because I don't like coldness.
I don't like the water because I don't like the feeling when it touches my skin.
Rain is a blessing from Allah, don't forget that.

People differs.
There will not be a mix and match that will perfectly match.
Personalities and maturity are two different thing, depends on how people judge on their own point of view.

Gain an angle of everything, and relate everything to where it comes from. Allah had created us. He had chosen us to be the best ummah, for our Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.

“Ummati, ummati.”

Had we ever, remember him as he deserve to be remembered?
Ya muslimin, sollu 'alaih. Ya mu'minin, sollu 'alaih.

Zikrullah, ya ukhti wa ikhwani. We are sisters and brothers of Islam.

Our manhaj, Quran wa Sunnah. Learn and learn.

I like to run,
because I like the way the wind will blow pass me. Because it will stay there for only a while to make me feel comfortable, and went away without disturbing my running.


Monday, January 23, 2012

Accidentally in love.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

When I was Form 5, I conducted a performance for Teachers Day. I chose the song; accidentally in love.

Somehow, I just remembered it.

I was thinking to myself just now. I asked myself, “In Islam, is love probihited or not?” What I meant with love was the feelings between normal teenagers nowadays. Among brothers and sisters. I know for a fact, in Islamic point of view, love is after nikah. Love is after marriage. However, if you are about to marry someone, you most probably will marry the one whom you like.

Again, I know, there were cases where people doesn't know each other and yet still happily married. But, it doesn't apply to most of a million of other cases. The probability of marrying someone whom we already like is higher than to marry with an unknown someone.

So is it wrong to be in love before marriage?

For me, I don't think it is wrong but it truly depends on how you handle the feeling you called love. I prefer to use the word; accidentally in love. Because, well, let's face it. Most of us doesn't even plan to fall in love, do we? We accidentally fell into one, or many. We don't pick the one we want to fall in love with. It happened suddenly and out of the ordinary.

Basically, we have to (as a teenager and a Muslim) know what is the best and correct way to channel our feelings.

I'm telling you to get married.

Okay, kidding (or wasn't I?)

First of all, of course, you have to distinguish your feelings whether it is true love or just nafs. Is it you like that particular someone or it is just that you want to own that someone? That might came out a little harsh, but haven't you heard of the word “boring”? Most of the time, if we only have the feeling of want to own something, we usually get bored after we own it for a certain amount of time. On the other hand, if we like something, the chance of being bored out to death is much more less and unlikely will happen.

So, take a deep breath now and ask yourself.
“Do I really like that person?”

If your answer is yes, let us move on.

The next step will be, ask your own age. If you think you are in the age when people usually get married, then you have another green light. Don't tell me you are 17 or younger and yet you want to get married as soon as possible. It wasn't that I don't want to be married when I was 17 but I hold my feelings and waited until I was 18 to have a clear mind which says, 'Okay, I should probably get married by now.'

I am 19 now, by the way.

For a sister, 18 and above is okay for me personally.
While for brothers, I couldn't actually say anything. I don't think there will be a certain age but for me personally again, 20 might be a good mark.

Stop right there, don't be flustered, I am just talking about age.

Then, you will have to do the most amazing thing in your life yet. You have to tell the parents. Yes, both of your parents and his/her parents. That is 2 set of parents for you. Tell one and let them settle to another one. Because if you have a green light from yours, they might be the one who will do the talk to your spouse's parents.

This part is the hardest. I remembered myself telling my father that I wanted to get married and he said, “Find a guy who memorize Yasin.”

So it wasn't hard for me, telling my parents. But I do believe it would be a lot harder at the brothers side. I can imagine the question aroused of what you should feed you wife and children if both of you are still studying etc etc. Well, that you have to prepare the answer.

Some sister like me, doesn't care if we will go through nikah khitbah. Or even normal nikah without any nafkah zahir as long as we are studying. The parents will still give money for respective children and whenever the husband starts to work, he will handle all the responsibilities. I do propose you to make your own “Nikah paperwork” if you want to get married early. You have to have a Masterplan, Action Plan, Back Up Plan, Estimated Budget and Expenditure etc. Then, send you paperwork to your parents for approval. Give them at least 3 weeks to evaluate. Sometimes you even get the answer early. Whether approved or rejected.

If it is accepted, then move on.


I know some people might ask, “Shouldn't istikharah be at the first place?” I reply with this: “If you performed your istikharah and the answer is yes, but then you proposal is rejected by your parents, then...?” Sometimes, we perform istikharah prayer to know whether he/she is the right one but we didn't do other prayers on whether it is the right time or not. If you do istikharah after you have all the green lights, the answer you might get probably will help you a lot better. Let just say, Allah knows best. He gave us our own mind to think. Don't let you nafs overcome your 'aql.

When finally you have all the answer and it had proven that you are in the right path, then don't forget to invite me to your walimatul urus.

Sometimes, whatever we planned will not work out. We planned, Allah also had planned, and He is the best planner.

Writing this, I remembered when I received my first proposal. It was more than 6 years ago and I received three in a day. I was called Goggle at that time and I pay more attention when people called me by my name, Mira. So he asked,

“Will you marry me?” and I said no.

Another asked the same later that day and I said no.

Another asked on the night and I said, “you are the third one to ask today.”
And he asked me, “Is it [he mentioned the name of the first guy] that proposed?” I said yes. The change of his look was obvious.
“Accept him, will you? Not me, not [he mentioned the second guy]” he continued. He left without a smile.
The three of them were 5 years older than me and were about to finish school.

It might be the reason why I don't care people talking about marriage. I had been exposed to it long ago. And yet, I am still finding my own way to find the right one. The one Allah chose for me. Is he here in this world?

InsyaAllah, on my way to be a good daughter, student, muslimah, chaliph and servant of Allah, and future-wife-and-mother-to-be. I just need to find a proposal which I will reply with a yes.


Sunday, January 22, 2012

Travel log 9.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

I went home last Friday, I came back this morning.

It is hard.

I thought, the travels that I had went through was enough. I was proven wrong.
I got lost.

It was terrifying at first. The bus I stepped into went to another direction that I wasn't familiar with. The bus stopped in the middle of Kuala Lumpur.
I walked around. I found my way biiznillah. I stayed at the Central for hours as I was waiting for my younger brother to arrive from Ipoh.

We got separated.

Thus I arrived at home minutes after 10 p.m. I left CFS after Zohr.

This morning I got into another bus to go to talaqqi. And as usual the bus was packed with foreigners. Most of them were men. Usually people will keep their distance with me but this morning was different thus I felt sick and I regretted I ever boarded into the bus. I asked the bus to stop and I stepped out.

I haven't even arrive at my destination.
And there was more men at the bus stop, so I quickly stepped into another bus that was there.

The driver said if I really want to board that bus, I have to take a longer route. I said okay.
So, there was I, safe and sound because there were less people in that bus heading to Kelana Jaya.

When I was about to step out along with the rest of the passengers, the drivers said no. He said he will send me directly in front of the LRT. So I stayed alone, and he did sent me in front of the LRT station. I bought the token to Universiti and off I go.

It was nice of him, may Allah bless him.

Again I took a taxi to Madrasah an-Nur. The moment, I heard Habib Ali' voice, I knew, no matter what I had been through, what ever I hated, it was worth it. The talaqqi is only once a week and I skipped last week because of the Debate for Deans' Cup competition. I didn't win the cup by the way.

Talking about the debate, I remembered asking my friends to see me compete. I waited and waited. Three of them came to my second round; Fatin, Aini and Tasneem. I waited and waited, the same three came to the third round. I waited and waited, none show up on the second day. I know, deep in my heart, I am thankful to those who came. It made me realise at that time that waiting will have to meet its end. People can't wait forever.

I can't breath forever.

p.s: Info talaqqi:
Talaqqi Ustaz Muhadir bin Hj Joll, kitab Riyadus Soliheen.

Talaqqi Madrasah an-Nur oleh Habib Ali, Habib Naqjmuddin, Ustaz Azhar, Ustaz Azian, tafsir ibnu Katheer, al-Mawaqi', at-Tanbih, kitab Dakwah Yang Sempurna Peringatan Yang Utama.
Talaqqi Intensif 2012 oleh Syaikh Muhammad Fuad al-Maliki, kitab 'Aqidah islam.

Ta'ala ma'ee, hayya bina.


The pain of write-things,

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

It was a more than a year ago, when I was in high school, my English teacher, Mrs Messie, instructed me and my friends to write an essay. She wrote the question on the board (we still use chalks).

"If you have the chance to be anyone in the world. Who will you be and why?"

I did not quite remember my reaction, but I do remember that I wasn't thinking too much. I already had a pen in my hand thus I wrote,

"I want to be a teacher."

Remembering that, and founded the evidence in my old school book made me... think. For me right here, right now, being an Engineering student who struggle with the world to achieve a good CGPA every semester, I couldn't think of what I was thinking back then when I was 16? A teacher? I knew it was my dream and still is but it was a chance to be anyone in the world and I straight away go for a teacher? I thought a lot about this during the day and I finally found the answer. I was being, simply... honest.

Because truth to be told, the dream of being a teacher, by far, might be the dream I won't achieved. Apart of being a kindergarten teacher, of course.

I was brutally honest because at that point of my life, when people asked and I answered, I want to be a teacher, they will reflected back by sayings such as, "You just can't be a teacher" or "You can't just be a teacher." Something like that.

I wrote on my second paragraph of the essay;

"The first reason why I want to be a teacher is because I love school. If I am a teacher, I can always spend my time at school everyday."

It is painful to read it now because I haven't been in school for a while. I haven't even been in Shah Alam for a while. I came back occasionally.

I ended my writing with;

"It would be great if I can teach at grade-A school but it would be much wonderful to have an opportunity to teach at a village."

It is painful.
For now what is on my mind is to move out from Malaysia. I don't want to, I couldn't, live here if I have the chance. Not that I don't like my own country but it is killing me. The condition is so bad from my own point of view until I reached my decision that it can't be call a Muslims' country. What I wanted now and for the rest of my life is to be a Muslim living in a place that applies Islamic rules and regulations.

Stepping out of CFS, is like stepping out of a prison that I love dearly. If I could put it in a better words, I wouldn't even say CFS is a prison at all. You can see Islam everywhere, anywhere. Even if you close your eyes the breath you take will calm you down no matter what. I love the times hearing people reciting Quran, zikr and shalawat. Sorry to say but I hate listening to songs. Yes, I do like some but please, not out loud. This is not a competition of being good or bad. You can't say I am a good person just because I don't listen to songs, but the choice of the songs are wrong. You can't say I don't listen to Korean songs because I do when my best friend  here in SA is listening to it. I know SuJu exist, I know there's someone name Tae Min in ShiNee. I tried hard to be a good friend to everyone but enough is enough.

We are matured enough to know when to stop doesn't we?

People said, I couldn't be a good teacher because I'll be too soft. I might be moderate at debating and public speaking but teaching, I'll be listening to students more than they will do to me.

It probably applies to me also as a da'ie and a friend. I know I can't judge my own self, but hovering alone in my dorm almost 24 hours per day? I know when to receive a clue of not being a better friend. I blamed myself, of course. Because there is no one else. I thought, this semester would be amazing, and I was proven wrong. I broke down, and I walked from the 9th floor to the 1st floor, trying to find a friend to talk to. And I can only found one, who listened very carefully. I wasn't asking for an advice because it might be biased. I went back to the 9th floor. Sat, and look down. It was way high and I thought, "Now I know why people commit suicides."

And yet, because of I being a very logic person and the most important thing, I, being a Muslim, can't stop thinking. There is little almost none question about jumping or not, the question aroused were; "Why even people kill themselves? Doesn't it hurt? Allah forbid us to commit suicide. Hell is more torturing than real life."

So I stayed for a while, thinking, "Am I losing my mind because of stress? Nope, it can't be. Crazy people might not think like this."

So I stayed, watching the clouds and the view of CFS from up and above from the 9th floor. Subhanallah, how could I ever be sad, knowing Allah is there? How could I even be stressed, when some people doesn't even have the chance to look up to the sky?

Whenever I try to tell somebody that whatever they are doing is wrong, I would try a soft approach. But most of the time people doesn't listen to softness. And when I try another kind of approach, people will highlight that. Believe me, at a white sheet, you'll always see the black spots. I am trying to be brutally honest again, by saying, enough is just enough.

Dunia kata pergi, kubur kata mari.

I can't say that I hate, but I don't like people saying; "Just be yourself." Whatever that you define "yourself" depends on you. Of course, even I can't resist good things. But aside of that, there might be no way of you standing at Mahsyar, replying to your deeds or sins by saying, "I was just being myself."

Think, if a thief like to steal from you, and say right to your face that he is just being himself as a thief, what will that make you feel?

p.s: I think, I am being sarcastic in this post. 'Afwan 'ala kulli hal.


Nur cahaya,

Dengan nama Allah, yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang.
Selawat dan salam ke atas junjungan kami, Rasulullah s.a.w.

Hasil karya,

Umairah Hawani.


Ahlam duduk di situ. Di atas kerusi di hadapan Mahallah Khadijah. Dia di bawah bayang-bayangan pohon di situ, di hadapannya Mahallah Umar al-Khattab dan padang CFS. Dia melihat ke atas, melihat pohon. Cermin mata dibuka, dan yang hanya dilihat hanya warna hijau yang kabur. Sedikit dia bersedih hati kerana nikmat Allah yang diberikan untuk melihat telah dipersia-siakan. Penglihatannya semakin teruk, bermula saat dia kecil kerana terlalu banyak membaca buku di dalam gelap.

Tika dia di situ buat beberapa ketika, dia dikejutkan dengan ucapan salam. Dia menjawab lalu berpaling, melihat si pemberi salam. Dia memakai cermin matanya kembali.

“Nur,” tegur Ahlam sambil tersenyum.
“Anti buat apa di sini?” tanya Nur. Dia duduk di sebelah Ahlam.
“Sedang menunggu azan, kadang kala di bilik tidak dengar. Sebentar lagi sudah azan, insyaAllah ana kembali ke bilik untuk solat,” balas Ahlam. Kelihatan Nur menganggukkan kepala.
“Boleh ana menanyakan sesuatu?” tanya Nur lagi. Ahlam mengangguk.
“InsyaAllah, tanyalah,” jawab Ahlam.
“Bagaimana ya, hendak istiqamah bertudung?” tanya Nur.

Ahlam terdiam. Dia hairan sedikit mengapa Nur bertanyakan begitu sedangkan sepanjang pengetahuannya Nur bertudung sentiasa dan menjaga auratnya. Namun dia mengendahkan bisikan hati, cuba untuk bersangka baik.

“Adakah anti seorang Muslim, Nur?” tanya Ahlam setelah seketika menyepi.
Kali ini giliran Nur pula terdiam. “Ya, saya seorang Muslim,” jawabnya.
“Adakah anti seorang Mukmin?” tanya Ahlam lagi.
“InsyaAllah,” balas Nur.
“Adakah anti mempunyai Tuhan? Lalu siapa Tuhanmu?” soalan berganda daripada Ahlam.
“Ana mempunyai Tuhan. Allah Tuhanku satu-satunya,” balas Nur. Perasaan hairannya berganda. Namun dia sabar dan menanti. Pasti Ahlam akan menjelaskan.
“Apa kitabmu dan apa yang diucapkan Tuhanmu di dalam kitab itu?” tanya Ahlam.
“Kitabku Al-Quran al-Karim, yang membezakan antara hak dan batil. Sungguh, ana tidak mengerti apa maksudmu dengan ucapan itu. Al-Quran sepenuhnya firman daripada Allah,” jawab Nur.

Ahlam menghentikan pertanyaan.

“Wahai sahabat yang ku kasihi, jawapanmu benar sekali. InsyaAllah, anti seorang Muslim. InsyaAllah, anti seorang Mukmin. Tuhanmu adalah Tuhanku dan Tuhan mahkluk sekian alam yang kita lihat mahupun tidak. Lailahaillah, ya ukhti. Al-Quran kitabmu dan kitabku. Mukjizat terbesar kepada penghulu kita, Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. Dan Allah telah berfirman di dalamnya. Allah telah berfirman di dalam al-Furqon,

"Wahai Nabi, suruhlah isteri-isterimu dan anak-anak perempuanmu serta perempuan-perempuan yang beriman, supaya melabuhkan pakaiannya bagi menutup seluruh tubuhnya (semasa mereka keluar); cara yang demikian lebih sesuai untuk mereka dikenal (sebagai perempuan yang baik-baik) maka dengan itu mereka tidak diganggu. Dan (ingatlah) Allah adalah Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani." [Al-Ahzab:59]

Lalu mengapa seorang tidak istiqamah untuk menutup aurat? Wahai Nur,

"Dan siapakah yang lebih zalim daripada orang yang telah diperingatkan dengan ayat-ayat daripada Tuhannya, lalu dia berpaling daripadanya dan melupakan apa yang telah dikerjakan oleh kedua tangannya? Sesungguhnya Kami telah meletakkan tutupan di atas hati mereka, (sehingga mereka tidak) memahaminya, dan (Kami meletakkan pula) sumbatan di telinga mereka; dan sungguh pun kamu (Muhammad) menyeru mereka kepada petunjuk, nescaya mereka tidak akan medapat petunjuk selama-lamanya." [Al-Kahfi: 57]

Benar sahabat, kadang-kadang kita lupa. Ada masa kita leka.

"Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah mengulang-ulangi bagi manusia dalam al-Quran ini bermacam-macam perumpamaan.Dan manusia adalah makhluk yang paling banyak membantah." [Al-Kahfi: 54]

Tapi, jangan lupa. Allah Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang. Manusia tidak lalai melakukan dosa, namun mengapa tidak berusaha untuk bertaubat? Sedangkan kematian semakin hampir setiap hari. Ingatlah sahabat,

"Dan Tuhanmulah Yang Maha Pengampun lagi mempunyai rahmat." [Al-Kahfi: 58]”

Ahlam berhenti berbicara, azan mula berkumandang. Mereka berdua diam seketika mendengar azan. Setelah azan tamat, Nur pula berbicara.

“Syukran ya ukhti, atas jawapan anti.”
“'Afwan. Ilhamku daripada Allah, segala pujian bagiNya. Nur, ana cuma hendak menambah sesuatu,” kata Ahlam.
“Tafadhal,” kata Nur.
“Perihal aurat, ada yang mungkin mula berjinak-jinak menutup aurat namun masih tidak sempurna. Dalam hal ini, pada pendapat ana sendiri, tidaklah perlu mengamalkan “sikit-skit, lama-lama jadi bukit.” Dosa pun “sikit-sikit, lama-lama jadi bukit.” Kalau mampu, tutuplah aurat sepenuhnya mengikut keselesaan, wallahua'alam. Ana minta diri dulu untuk solat, assalamualaikum,” Ahlam bangkit dan menyalam Nur. Nur juga bangkit dan mereka berdua berpisah menuju ke bilik masing-masing untuk menunaikan solat.

Nur berfikir sepanjang perjalanan. Tentang auratnya, tentang aurat rakan lain yang dikasihinya. Islam itu agama yang penuh kasih sayang. “Salahkah kalau aku mengingatkan orang lain?” bisik hatinya sendiri.



Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Buat mereka.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Buat sahabat, yang ku cintai kerana Allah untuk Allah.
Buat Nur Izzati, Aimi Diyana, Nur Khairunnisa', Fatihah Izzah, Nurul Nasuha dan Fathin Athirah.

Saatnya diri melangkah ke CFS IIUM, niatku terbahagi kepada beberapa.
Yang paling utama, diri ke sini kerana Allah.
Kemudiannya, diri ke sini untuk menimba ilmu.

Dan, diri ke sini untuk mencari rakan seperjuangan seIslam.

semenjak hari pertama, ada dua saja manusia yang ku tahu dan ku kenal. Kedua-duanya dari sekolah lamaku dan diizinkan bertemu di sini walau berbeza pengajian. Kemudiannya, empat lagi ku berjumpa dari sekolah yang satu lagi dan hanya seorang sama pengajian denganku.

Teringat saat, ketika duduk di dalam bilik, menghafal satu persatu nama kalian. Izzati dan Aimi ku kenal di bilik, yang lainnya di bilik sebelah. Entah kenapa, tergerak hati untuk berkenalan walaupun hakikatnya hati lebih senang sendiri.

sepanjang semester pertama, kawan yang ada hanyalah kalian dan rakan sekelas. Hampir setiap hari kita bertemu. Manakan tidak hati mulai sayang, kerana sungguh persahabatan kita kerana Allah.

Wahai Aimi Diyana,
senyumanmu menyerikan hari. Pemergianmu memberikan bekas di hati.

Wahai Nur Izzati,
kepetahanmu menggembirakan diri. Ketabahanmu bagaikan seorang srikandi Ansar bagi diri.

Wahai Fatihah Izzah,
keinginanmu bukti seorang muslimah. Pemahamanmu terhadap diri mendorong perjalanan.

Wahai Nur Khairunnisa',
hafalanmu akan agama menambat jiwa. Keceriaanmu membuah bahagia.

Wahai Nurul Nasuha,
diammu tidak banyak bicara. Bukti kelembutan yang berada di dada.

Wahai Fathin Athirah,
bersih di mata bersih pada imanmu. Merungkai jalan permulaan hidayah.

kali ini ku menulis kerana tahu, kadang-kadang perasaan itu patut diluahkan. Keenam kalian ku cintai kerana Allah. Akan diizinkan Allah, satu hari kalian akan terbaca tentang ini. Ketahuilah, diri masih di sini.

Ku tahu dan ku sedar, sikap kita sedikit berbeza. Lebih suka sendiri dari berkumpul bersama. Lebih suka diam dari banyak berbicara. Namun ketahuilah, tiada siapa lagi di bumi Taman Ilmu dan Budi ini yang ku cintai melebihi kalian. Keluargaku tiada di sini, rakan seperjuangan dahulu bertebaran di seluruh Malaysia. Hanya diri di sini, mengharapkan setitik kasih dari teman sejati.

seorang muslimah itu fitrahnya berlemah lembut. Sekalipun garang mananya kita, masih lembut jika dibandingkan dengan muslimin. Bagaikan air di waktu tenang, kekal tenang walaupun beribu batu menjunam walau berkecamuk seketika. Ku pinta dan ku doa, setiap ujian yang melanda, diri dan kamu semua mampu menghadapi dengan penuh keimanan dan ketabahana dengan izin Allah.

Buatlah sesuatu bukan kerana manusia. Tinggalkan sesuatu bukan kerana manusia. Buatlah sesuatu lillahita'ala. Tinggalkan sesuatu lillahita'ala.

Maafkan khilaf kerana jarang sekali berbicara hati ke hati dengan kalian. Kerana sudah tertanam, cintaku terhadap makhluk tidak lebih dari cintaku terhadap Allah. Sukar sekali bagi diri ini untuk berbicara permasalahan kepada manusia, kerana Dia ada untuk mendengar. Semoga saja kita mendapat keredhaanNya.

Seperti mana kita dipertemukan dengan izin Allah.
Satu hari nanti kita akan berpisah dengan izin Allah.

Syukran wa 'asif 'ala kulli hal. Innallaha ma'ana.


Monday, January 16, 2012

Wishes and prayers.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

I won't wish, that my days will be easier.
I will only pray, to my One and Only, Allah s.w.t that He will always be there. Listening to every word I shall say. Innallaha ma'ana.

A week before, it was on Sunday and all the students regiestered at their respective mahallah. There was I, among the others who went out, stood there waiting for the bus then I went to Madrasah an-Nur.

I hardly remember what had happened on Monday. The environment here at CFS had definitely changed a lot. There were more people, both sisters and brothers. I wasn't looking forward to buy my meal at UKC anymore as day after day, more brothers are flowing in and out of the cafe.

On Tuesday, ENGENIUS Mainboard had a meeting with the line up of committees. There were misunderstandings amongst the committees as they thought that the meeting is at 9 p.m, however, it is not. It was at 9 a.m. So at first the meeting was slow but the paces increased and the meeting ended before Zohr.

On the same day I received the RM200 voucher distributed by the government. It wasn't that helpful because I'll be using the same Physics textbook as previous semester, the text book for Computer must be paid by cash and for BTQ, we had to make our own text book. My friends and I combined two vouchers to buy Maths workbook for RM20 each.

The day after was the first day AMF Hall became One Stop Centre. Which literally means everything was there. All the lecturers from every department here in CFS were placed at respective sides with two large tables and signs. When I stepped in, I stopped and stared. It was like in the middle of the sea, minus the water and add humans. Sorry, students. Here and there will be brothers and sisters whom I barely recognize and I doubt I will eventhough I will be staying here for another semester. They were too many of them and I realised at that point, this will only happen once.

So I took a picture.

It will only happen once because the main point of AMF being OSC was because the transfer of students from Nilai to here in PJ. I'll let you imagine. Stand there at the front of AMF, near a door. On the left side, you will see rows of brothers and sisters adding and dropping their English, Chemistry, Computer and so on. While at you right hand side, there you go. Brothers and Sisters from Islamic Revealed Knowldege and Arab courses and so on. If you be me, you won't worry about bumping to the left side, but you'll be really careful and slowly walk your way at the right side.

The day was tiring enough for me.
My first day in the class wasn't like the previous semesters. Ignoring the brothers, I imagined in my head that my class of 194 was only me, Aini, Inani and Fatin. I don't care about the others, I don't want to. Eventhough it washard not to notice a bunch of them, I wish and I pray, Allah will secure my sights.

From Friday until Sunday, I was busy enough because of debate. I was in the ENGENIUS team along woth two other brothers. It was the team that had been chosen, not by me. I learnt few things here and there and I realised, eventhough I always argue, debating is not the thing for me. Especially debating about things that I don't even care. I felt like finishing all the rounds as fast as possible thus I lost the Deans' Cup. And I do not know who won the cup.

At first, I doubted myself on debating with niqab. Because that's a new thing for me. The responsibility of being a muslimah and the same time being a debater was hard to swallow. I think and think about the choices of my words. And think again how to insert the points from Islamic views for a theme that is way far. Then I thought, Islam is syumul. Islam is perfect, everything is covered by Islam. Al-Quran and as-Sunnah have the answers for everything. All in all, I survived all five rounds debating with five brothers with two of them on my side. I didn't say unnecessary things, I don't do small talks. I wish and pray, that everything will be okay.


Thursday, January 12, 2012

Biarlah rahsia.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Ada sesetengah perkara, yang lebih baik, untuk kita tidak tahu.
Ada perkara, yang lebih baik, untuk tidak diungkapkan.

Kerana hati yang mendengar akan tersentuh.
Kerana mata yang menerima tindak balas akan menangis.

Dan siapa kata menangis itu mudah bagi wanita?

Ada pula yang kata, kebenaran itu perlu diluahkan walaupun pahit.

Sudah agak lama tidak menulis, sedikit terpaku. Hari-hari yang berlalu di minggu pertama ini sibuk sekali dengan itu dan dengan ini. Sibuk dengan dunia, bertanya jua tentang dunia.

Ada perkara, yang tidak perlu kita tahu.

Pernahkah kamu mendengar cerita, kenapa air laut pasang surut?
Ketika sedang diam tidak tahu hendak berkata apa, ada yang memberitahu akan diriku perihal itu.

Kisahnya begini.

Pada satu masa dahulu, di dalam laut, ada seekor ikan paus yang sangat besar. Ikan paus ini suka makan gula-gula. Akan tetapi, persisiran pantai dengan kedai yang menjual gula-gula sangat jauh. Ikan paus pula tidak mungkin mampu melintasi pantai kerana air yang sedikit. Lalu ikan paus pun bersedih, dan menangis.

Air mata ikan paus sangat banyak sehinggalah air laut yang surut menjadi pasang. Ada seorang kanak-kanak melihat keadaan ini lalu berkata,

“Alamak, air laut dah naik. Kita kena bagi ikan paus gula-gula.”

Lalu gula-gula pun dilemparkan ke laut membuatkan ikan paus berhenti menangis dan air laut menjadi surut kembali.

Kata yang bercerita itu,

“Kalau nampak air laut pasang, balinglah gula-gula dalam laut.”

Dan ketika hari ini apabila teringat kisah itu, terfikir. Kalau tangisan ikan paus boleh dihentikan dengan pemberian gula-gula yang disukainya, tangisan manusia pula bagaimana?
Selalu begini, manusia sering memikirkan tentang diri sendiri, termasuklah diriku. Setiap kali saja bersedih, hanya diri yang benar. Akan ku kata untuk menyedapkan hati, dunia ini kejam. Kenapa perlu membuatkan diri bersedih? Apa salahku? Apa salahku?

Sedangkan, tidak pernah terfikir tentang perasaan orang lain.

Cubalah lihat sekeliling, lihat rakan, keluarga, sesiapa sahaja. Yang tersenyum mahupun tidak, apakah sebenarnya di dalam hati masing-masing?

Jika mungkin, kita melihat mereka tersenyum, mungkin mereka baru sahaja lepas bersedih dan cuba menyembunyikannya.
Jika mungkin, kita melihat mereka marah, mungkin masalah yang dihadapi terlampu banyak hingga tidak tahu hendak berbuat apa.
Jika mungkin, kita melihat mereka menangis.

Jarang sekali kita melihat mereka menangis bukan?

Tapi jika mungkin, apakah yang perlu untuk menghentikan tangisan itu?

Diri tidak tahu akan manusia lain. Namun, jika ditanya kepadaku.
Masalahku seperti pengiraan Fizik. F=ma. Sama ada m mahupun a yang bertambah nilainya, F juga akan bertambah. Dan bagiku F itu Ice Lemon Tea.

Kadang-kadang orang melihat, “Oh, dia melakukan sesuatu itu secara kerap kerana itu kesukaannya.” Namun sebenarnya tidak. Pernahkah mendengar ada yang tidur untuk menghilangkan kelaparan? Pernahkah mendengar ada yang suka bermain piano untuk menghilangkan sakit kerana barah yang dihadapi? Adakah pernah mendengar orang membaca al-Quran kerana hendak bertemu kebenaran?

Walaupun Ice Lemon Tea tidak menghilangkan masalah, namun...
Benar, ada perkara yang lebih baik untuk kita tidak tahu.


Monday, January 9, 2012

Mengingati mati,

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Sahabatku Aimi Diyana dan Nur Izzati, ingatlah sanad dibawah yang kita perolehi semasa Ramadhan 1472 H bersama-sama di CFS untuk mengamalkan Ratib al-Haddad dan melaluinya juga ijazah semua mu'allafat/karangan Imam al-Haddad. Satu daripada sanad kita yang jumlahnya 15:

Murabbi wa Syaikhuna, Ustaz Muhadir bin Hj Joll menerimanya daripada Naib Munsib al-Haddad, Habib Muhsin bin Habib Hamid al-Haddad, beliau menerimanya daripada ayahandanya, Habib Hamid al-Haddad, beliau menerimanya daripada ayahandanya, Habib Husain, beliau menerimanya daripada ayahandanya, Habib Ahmad, beliau menerimanya daripada ayahandanya, Habib Abdul Qadir, beliau menerimanya daripada ayahandanya, Habib Ahmad, beliau menerimanya daripada ayahandanya, Habib Abdur Rahman, beliau menerimanya daripada ayahandanya, Habib Ahmad, belia menerimanya daripada ayahandanya, Habib Hasan bin Abdullah al-Haddad, beliau menerimanya daripada ayahandanya, Shohib ar-Ratib, Quthub al-Irsyad wa Ghauth al-'Ibad wa al-Bilad, Al-Imam Abdullah bin Alawi al-Haddad.

Alhamdulillah, kitab al-Haddad sudah habis dipelajari secara talaqqi di Madrasah an-Nur.

Walaupun tidak berkesempatan mengadiri setiap talaqqi, namun alhamdulillah, berada di situ waktunya kitab tamat dibaca dan disyarah Habib Ali.

Dan salah satunya perkara yang membuatkan diri tersenyum setiap kali bayangan CFS di hadapan mata, adalah kerana peluang untuk menghadiri talaqqi dan majlis ilmu bermula di sini.

Imam Al-Haddad mengakhiri kitab al-Haddad dengan bab 'Sentiasa Mengingati Mati.' Sedikit sebanyak apabila difikir-fikir, terasa sungguh maut itu dekat dengan diri. Malah dekat dengan setiap manusia di bumi ini. Awak, mereka dan semuanya. Tahun ini saja, pabila ditanya akan umurku, tidak lagi boleh dijawab 17. Bukan lagi 18 tahun. Malah Amirah Hazwani sudah 19 tahun. Tahun depan, insyaAllah, beranjak ke umur 20 tahun.

Sehinggakan ada yang bertanya, “Sudah bersediakah untuk berkahwin pada umur 20 nanti?”
Pantas saja menjawab, “InsyaAllah, kalau benar jodoh.”

Ketika berbicara tentang mati, dikatakan, jangan dipanjangkan amal (cita-cita) di dunia namun mestilah giat bersungguh-sungguh melakukan 'amal.

Oleh itu setakat ini diri tidak menaruh harapan terlalu tinggi lagi untuk double major, pekerjaan, perkahwinan dan apa seumpama dengannya yang melibatkan masa hadapan yang semua tahu, kita tidak tahu apa akan berlaku ditengah-tengahnya. Apakah yang akan berlaku di antara cita-cita itu dan masa sekarang? Mungkin, kita akan mati.

Imam Ghazali r.a. di dalam kitab Bidayah mengumpamakan jika seseorang itu hidup 60 tahun, maka orang itu telah tidur selama 20 tahun.

Kerana tidur 8 jam sehari itu adalah tidur satu pertiga hari.

Imam Ghazali r.a. juga mengingatkan untuk tidak memanjangkan angan-angan kerana hal yang demikian membuatkan kita malas untuk beribadat. Mestilah juga sentiasa mengingati mati dan memaksa diri melakukan ketaatan maka kita akan bergembira ketika mati.

Lalu yang manakah kita akan pilih, dunia atau akhirat?

Ada saatnya, ketika zaman setelah tamatnya SPM lalu bekerja di kantin, selalu sangat menghadapi kemalangan kecil. Tangan terkena periuk panas, minyak panas terpercik dan sebagainya. Kebanyakannya akibat cuai dan ada jua yang berlaku memang tak disangka. Satu yang selalu dikatakan oleh rakan sekerja, “Sakit itu menghapuskan dosa-dosa kecil kita. Tandanya Allah sayang kita.”

Pada ketika itu pastilah yang difikir hanyalah sakit, sakit, sakit.

Namun, setelah kesakitaan itu hilang dan akal boleh berfikiran waras, teringatlah kata-kata itu. Hinggakan sekarang. Petandanya diri sebagai manusia sering dengan sedar mahupun tidak, melakukan dosa.


Cukup-cukuplah dengan dunia, bersederhanalah di dalam kesenangan sementara.
Bekejar-kejarlah melakukan 'amal soleh, bersabarlah untuk kesenangan yang hakiki.

“Sesungguhnya penghuni syurga pada hari itu bersenang-senang dalam kesibukan (mereka).” [Yasin: 55]