Monday, May 20, 2013

He gave me a coin.

BismiLLAHirrahmanirrahim.
Assalamualaikum warahmatuLLAHi wabarakatuh.


اللهم صل على سيدنا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه وسلم


Mubasyaratan ba'da Maghrib, I made my journey towards Bawabah Thani.
Class with Syeikhuna.

I had forgotten for how many times, I wish I will be caught by a musyrif.
I don't have a phone,
and even I do have, I still did not own any number to call.

So I walked alone... again.

I was wondering whether the class will be at IMAM or bayt of Syeikh Rohim.
I decided to just continue my destination to IMAM and if any changes occur, I'll make my way towards Musallas later on.

The tremco as usual full of Arabs. AlhamduLILLAH it was not all men.
Or else, I will fell more isolated.

I sat alone... again.
Playing with my thoughts.

As I arrived and walked towards the end of the road, I was preparing myself coins (LE / genih) to give to the unfortunates. Usually, there will be two. But there was none. So I went through the heavy wind and watched those who passed by me.

There were a family.
The mother covers her baby from the strong wind that brought along tiny sands.

I continued my walk.

There was a father.
He covers her little daughter that he holds by his hands.
She hugged him.

I continued my walk... alone.

As I entered IMAM and waited for Syeikh, I played with my thoughts.
The room was filled, but it was quiet. I chose not to make conversations.
We were taught to sollu 'ala nabi (p.b.u.h) in silence.

صل على الحبيب قلبك يطيب 
Berselawatlah ke atas kekasih hatimu akan harum.


I only realized that -- quite some time after I made my bai'ah.

Those weekly majlis zikr, was to train us. To zikr though in silence. And to only have that option when we are silence.

It made a hole in my heart to know that a friend of mine was not coming yesterday.
She is someone for me. She didn't ask for it, neither do I.
But I love her thoroughly, what to do.

When Syeikh arrived, we all went out to the living room to start our class.
I sat nearest to the door, first row of muslimah in front of the Syeikh.

We began.

Suddenly, Diki made noises. He was the son of ustaz Luqman. Not more than few years old.
Syeikh stalled the class and called him.
He gave him a coin. One genih.

Diki smiled so happily along with everyone else also.
He showed her mother the coin in his hand when suddenly,
he walked towards me.

Uh, yes, me.

He gave me the coin and left. Left to play around.
Everyone was kind of stunned... especially me.
Syeikh said, "Never mind, it is your rizq (supplement)"

And he closed the book of Ithbatul Qadr and said;

"This is the proof, that ALLAH is the ONE who gave rizq, not human."



Everyone was on silent mode.

"I was intending to make the boy happy, but he made another one happy.
Verily, ALLAH is the ONE who can make someone happy or sad.
ALLAH is the ONE who gave tears and laughters.

Our struggles, means nothing in front of Taqdir (of what had been decided).
Whatever was written (in Lauh Mahfuz), will be accepted by us."

Syeikh told us stories about Hatim al-Asom and Zun-nun al-Misr.
Long and must be, beneficial.

He made his way back to the book.
And we learn some mustolah hadith.

Thus the class ended.

Syeikh made a point.
Yesterday was meant for me to receive a genih.
However, it was the perfect way. If Syeikh had gave me directly, perhaps I will be happy.
But, when it was given in such a manner by ALLAH, it made my extremely -- delighted.

It made my day, though I have to walk back alone.

Alone in the darkness of Cairo.

I almost cry, I did perhaps. But what to do.
For more than hundreds of times I had travelled alone,
I still manage to feel lonely.

What to do.
I don't live according to my need and demand.
I am HIS 'abd. HIS slave.

Whatever HE wants, HE wants.
And HE promised, that I shall get my reward.
And I am trying to, do everything, without aiming on that reward.

For I, am a slave.

I may exists, but I may also not.

Sah?




ALLAHua'lam.

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بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم