Saturday, March 31, 2012

Deviate,

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.


What should I say, if I could say.


Writings, write things, are very subjective.
Perhaps, perhaps.


For this post, particularly, I was perplexed. What should I write, now that I could.


I could write a story, I know.
I could write a story and then people will take note, I know.


But, this time, this moment. This is me. From Amirah Hazwani to you.
To whom, who have choices and need to choose.


For a moment now, let us thank Allah truly and gratefully.
We still have choices, and yet we are spending time after time to choose.


I had chosen before.
I had been chosen before.


One of those choices were IIUM and Automotive Engineering.
Why these two? Because those choices determine my future. Not that I would say that it is entirely depends on my choices, but a tiny percentage of it, yes. The rest, it is up to Allahu Rabbi.


I was excited, really. IIUM is, well, International - Islamic - University - Malaysia.
And automotive, well... It is my dream. It was.


I remember the day during my senior year when I had to drop 8 subjects with 9 subjects remaining for SPM. Then, I had to choose one subject to make it 10. I scanned through the list and picked Engineering Drawing, the subject I never learned before. I registered myself on March 2010 and the SPM was my third exam for E.D. I got B+.


I chose that, because I was so in love with engineering. Becoming a MUSLIM engineer, there would be nothing more interesting. And when it was announced that IIUM offered automotive as a major, I ran for it. I met the lecturer from IIUM Gombak during DISKOE, aimed high for my CGPA and everything... Just for that.


I wanted the Bachelor of Engineering (Mechanical-Automotive).
I wanted the title of IR.
I wanted to be the coolest, automotive-muslim-engineer. Plus, I wanted to wear niqab to work.
And I wanted to work at PROTON.


All of those past tenses. All of those choices I made. The plans that I thought was almost perfect and reachable.


Until it was revealed that, I am not so good at Engineering subjects. I was, what do you call, so-so. I didn't fail any, but I didn't excel any either.
It came to light that, I am better at those that needed memorization.


Yes, I know, that more than half people I've known had advised me from the early days of my life to pursue my degree as a doctor.
No, I don't know, that it will reach the time when I myself think about being a doctor.


Not until now.


Why did I didn't want to hear those advises again?
Oh, yes. Because I was afraid of blood.


This is my point right here.


You shouldn't, you couldn't, make choices just because you are afraid of something. Or because people told you so. Or because you think your choice is better or something or something.


You musn't think that your previous choices were wrong.


NO.
You can't.


Allah had planned everything, perfectly, for His creatures.
He is the Most 'Adl. He knows what is the best. And He is Most Knowledgeable.


Not more than one second I regretted of having to spend more than a year studying what I shouldn't have studying. People might say, it is just a waste of time, such such. Dear you, people can say anything they want. But the action lies on you. Depends on us, with Allah' permission.


I am not wasting my time.
I met my friends, my lecturers.
I learned things outside my class.
I... am happy.


There are never wrong choices, if you are still in accordance to Islamic point of view.
Because if you are still keep your choices in the way of Islam, you will remember that, Allah is the One who is giving you Guidance. Whatever you do, whenever, where-ever. 


I am changing my path, insyaAllah.
Not because I am running for things I am not good at.
Not because I am going to an easier path, no.
As the matter of fact, changing, is more difficult.


This one, is for those who are searching their way after SPM.
Or even for those who are still searching their way long after SPM.


I am declining that SPM as the certificate of your life.
There are still plenty of choices.


Even if it is not now.




Wallahua'lam.

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بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم