I have three posts in my drafts, ready to be publish. But not yet.
Just not yet.
Since I was 13, I have planned things pretty perfectly until I turn 40. However, when I was 17, the whole plan was blown by, the feeling you called love.
It wasn't surprising though.
Not until recently I just believed that, people does not change. Not without love.
And I did changed. However, this year, I turn 18.
I lost that feeling you called love, obviously. Now, there, not many of you might realize.
I doubt any of you did realize, truthfully. I hide emotions and secrets rather well than you might thought.
After years I have not plan anything new, I am planning now.
I am going to do whatever it takes, to achieve it.
My first plan would be to be one of the best engineering student in CFS, thus fly overseas for my degree. I know this might sound absurd, but really, I can't live here any longer. I'll make it through my Automotive slash Mechanical Engineering Degree anywhere in this world, but here. Then I'll work there, continue my Master and stay for years to come. I won't come back, I don't want to come back. Not until my wound heals.
The first plan, is very straight forward, and somewhat difficult to achieve.
So I have the second one.
The next plan, more realistic than ever. I would, finish my foundation with flying colors. Enough for the university, IIUM, to allow me to take double degree at Gombak. The degree will be Bachelor in Mechanic, with Automotive as major and Bachelor in Islamic Revealed Knowledge, with Quran and Sunnah as major. Both, I deeply wish, that I would pass in 4 years.
After I graduated, I won't stay long. During the holidays I will work, earn enough and prepare enough. I'll search for a scholar and well, go somewhere else. I'll be pursuing my master, hopefully, at Azhar University. Or somewhere, but not Engineering. I'll be concentrating with Islamic Knowledge.
Then, I'll be working, as an engineer somewhere. But not here. This is similar to my first plan. I won't be coming back home. Not until my wound heals.
I remember when I was form 5, I was sick most of the time. I easily catches cold and well, got sick. I remember laying down on my friends' lap and sleep. I remember how I can't participate in running, because I can't.
And yet I still try to make everyone happy. That was because that feeling you called love.
On the journey of being mature, I decided love is not just priceless. It has no value. At all.
Because no matter how deep it is, or how strong it is, one simple reason can break it into pieces. The greatest about it, is that you won't forget how it hurts. Just as much as you won't gain that love again.
Just so you know, if you didn't realize,
I lost to the war I created.
My plan is definitely a runaway track. Though I won't run, I'll make it through. I'll keep myself busy. Move on, moving along. My ex-principal was right about world, it is cruel.