Thursday, October 27, 2011

If you think you know me, think again.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Don't. Stop right there. If you don't want to read an-awful-lot of things.
You better stop.

I was at my work, waiting for my result when I received a text, asking me whether it is true that all the 1st years in CFS have to repeat Maths 1 again.

I was speechless. Not wanting to believe, so I reply with a no. I asked why.
She replied, it was all over fb.
Since, I deleted my old account, I don't have a way to access that information.

So I called sir Ashraf. Even though he is not my Maths lecturer. I don't care. He told me there might be a possibility, but didn't know why.
I took a deep breath, and called sir Izzuddin. I was hoping he won't answer, but he did. So I asked him. He told me, everything.

I hung up, again, took a deep breath. Walked back to my stall as there were customers and cried after they left.

I hate Maths.
I am not good in Maths.
I am the only one in my family who didn't score in Maths.
I worked hard for my A in SPM.
I was the only sister left in the classroom during one particular quiz.
I didn't sleep nights during examination and eat once a day.
I was frustrated because my room mate was good in Maths, but it is not her fault.
I didn't score well in mid term.

I hate myself, really.

Masa Maths, kawan baru pergi Mesir. Rasa sedih sangat. Beberapa hari sebelum ujian, sir ada bagi latihan. Kalau fotostat, RM11. Tasneem yang tolong fotostat. Tak bayar lagi. Terlupa. Nanti dah jumpa, ingat nak bayar. Pergi kelas dengan mentor, dia bagi semangat. Dia tahu kita lambat sikit buat latihan. Semua latihan matriks, buat pakai pembaris. Nak kemas, biar nanti tak pening orang baca. Kalkulator pula rosak, nampak separuh saja. Tapi guna lagi, sebab dah nak habis sem, ingat sem depan baru nak beli. Sedih. Betul sedih.

Ice Lemon Tea tak ada.

I hate myself.
You won't understand what I felt, what am I feeling right now.
I hate it when people asks, so please don't.
If you think that you have to read my blog to know what I feel, it is just wrong.
If I can hide my emotions really well in real world, why shouldn't I hide it in my blog?

No one, will know.


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بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم