A child who wrote;

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

To those, who had the chance to know me. Personally.

Sometimes people might wonder, but never will ask.
Why am I too childish?

Psychologically, it is as simple as I had not experience normal childhood.
My parents was busy. Too busy. To have both ami and abah flying over Japan one after another for business trips was perhaps one of the reasons we rarely talk to each other.

Being the second child of the eldest three daughters – Syahmi came 5 years after my younger sister – I always remind myself that I have to take care of everything. Every – thing. My elder sister was not too healthy. My younger sister is, well, she's the youngest at that time.

I still remember those moments when I spoke to myself, in my head.
I have to be matured. I have my sisters to take care when my parents are away.

I have to give, not receive. I have to love, not the other way round.

I have to, thus I did.

The situation changed almost 179 degree when I went to boarding school.
Instead of being left out, I was at the centre of attention. Not even have to ask.
Truth to be told, it even started since my first day at school. I thought it was normal, and it turned out to be abnormal. It wasn't even a tradition for newbies to be known by seniors and specially those of 6^th year.

So when I moved out, I thought I would be under-ground. It turned out to be, slightly wrong. Or almost. Perhaps.

Those moments are known only by my friends who was there with me. It will be almost non-beneficial to remember things back, but, what I realized was;

I was really, a childish person.

Yes, true, at times I would be the most hatred person in the world, specially when I was doing my duty as secretary and such. I was demanding. But when I was a friend, people treated more to a little 5 years-old than a teenagers.

Even they mentioned so.

When I finally entered CFS, I made a promise to myself to stay very quiet and not to be notice by anyone. I didn't even ask nor pray. But people noticed. And the childish side of me didn't disappear as I hoped.

For almost 6 years, I lived like that.

I received love and attention. From friends and colleagues.

The situation made a u-turn, when I arrived here.

To be specific, when I attended talaqqi with Syeikh Rohimuddin.

It was a fact, yes, that I started talaqqi long before. I started with Syeikhuna, Ustaz Muhadir bin Hj Joll. I had a few Syeikhs also in different fields of my study outside Engineering field, but, my perception of who I live with changed when I listened to Syeikh Rohimuddin.

The world, this world, is not about me living with people around me.
The world doesn't revolve around me.

Instead, it revolve for me from ALLAH.

"It is HE who crated you all things that are on Earth.” Baqarah:29

And I,
am with ALLAH. Wa kholas.

Sometimes, the world and its contents were built around me.

So I become whatever ALLAH wants me to be.

Servant, tolabul 'ilm, khadim.
I become as childish as I want, because I'm in love.

In love with HIM.

"Then do you remember ME; I will remember you.” Baqarah: 152

You don't want to be a strict person around those person that you love, ain't you?

On the other hand,
sometimes, I was designed for the world and its contents.

So I become whatever ALLAH wants me to be for them.
Friend, daughter, guide.
I become as strict, as helpful as possible, because I was in need.

In the need for insaan, wa sama' wal 'ard.

Though InnALLAHa 'ala kulli syain qadir.

"When HE decrees a matter, HE says to it 'Be', and it is.” Baqarah:117

But HE have HIS own way. HIS own desire.

Take this word,

we were nothing and then we are something.
We will be nothing again will return to the reason of everything.

"...That they are to return to HIM.” Baqarah:46

That is the CREATOR.

For those who believe, it is ALLAH.

And for those who don't, please, just think about Islam for 5 minutes.
Google it or ask someone. Someone that knows about Islam, truthfully.
Or you can even ask me.

Because what I want, more than everything in this world (minus the love of ALLAH and HIS Messenger), is that those who doesn't believe in ALLAH as the ONLY CREATOR, to believe.

That's it.

Why?

Because I am too childish so I am demanding. Like a child.

I want you to not enter Jahannam, that is Hell. Not forever.
And for Muslims, not for even a second.

Because I love you so, because I know HE created you with love.
Think about it.

p.s: A simple doa for a simple yet truthfully a Muslim.

"RABBana, accept (this service) from us, for YOU are the All-Hearing, the All-Knowing." Baqarah: 127

Better in Arabic :D

FatahALLAHu'alaik.
WALLAHUa'lam.