The joy and not-so-pain; Friends.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

I had longing to write something about friends, and I had.

But this time I shall write it once more, to remind me about how I was happy,

how I was sad, with or without my friends around me.

My circle of stars.

Since I was in the elementary school, I was always in a trio.

The three musketeers.

It started with me, Nur Syawani Izzati and Nur Afiqah.

We were together for almost forever.

Afiqah was there when I was sick during second grade.

Syawani was there when I was helpless during sixth grade.

For six whole years, we were comfortable.

The we got separated. I went to SAMTTAR, Syawani went to SAMTAJ and Afiqah went to another Islamic boarding school which I forgot its name.

Then we got far more separated. I went to IIUM, Syawani went to UiTM, Johor and Afiqah went to Matriculation.

We met once a year, ever since that. But it had not happened last year.

I wasn't making close friends that much back in SAMTTAR.

But when I went to SMKAM2, I had two.

The second three musketeers, me, Nur Aisyah and Mursyidah.

We were all librarians during my second year there, which was form four.

We were all Quarter Masters since my first year.

Aisyah was there when I collapsed during form three.

Mursyidah was there when I exploded during, well, every year.

For three years, we tie the knot.

I had my mistakes. Having another group of friends which I called Brothers and Sister.

And it occurred to me that it was the price I have to pay.

The friendship I had to choose.

For some reasons, however my brothers took care of me. Until the point of I have no need of carrying my bags, I had everything I need and Ice Lemon Tea will always be at the corner of my desk. But, still, it can't be compare to the friendship among sisters. The boundaries, are still there blocking all the way through.

Then we got separated.

No longer Three Musketeers or Brothers and Sister.

I went to IIUM, Aisyah went to UiTM, Perak and Mursyidah went to a university in Indonesia.

Along went to UiTM Puncak Alam, Angah went to UniTen, Alang went to Polytechnic, Kedah and Acik went to UiTM, Melaka.

The reason why, the first thing occurred in my mind when I entered CFS, I thought, “I would never find a friend, that when we got separated, I'll feel this hurt.”

The three musketeers made its own history with me, Fatin Husna and Nur Aini are still together until this moment in the same class.

Not to mention I had 190.

I had Aimi Diyana and Nur Izzati as roommates.

I have Saffana and Izzati for my tasmi' class.

I have Fatin Nuradilah for my talaqqi.

I have Kasriyani and Alya for my meetings then.

I had my arguments with the three Hafiz.

I had a lot of arguments, but there will be none after this.

None of it will stay forever.

Besides my good friends I mentioned, I had one which are close enough to my heart.

She was and is my neighbour.

She was and is my Farah Aisyah.

The one who was there one night when I cried and searched her at her house.

The one who was there when I needed someone to accompany me.

The one who can say “no” to me.

The one who encourage me to wear niqab, and walked besides me.

The one who call me “Miwaaaa”.

The one, who is leaving me for Sabah.

I do not know how to exactly put into words, how can I describe her leaving me.

We had our disagreements, but not that huge.

She'll always be there. Somewhere, even it is not besides me.

Those who I called during my time here will be her, Che Khuizzatieliana and Nur Aisyah.

Because I had changed, and that they wasn't exactly here to see me.

When I went to a group, those who I called friends will say how decent and lady-like I am.

In another situation, those who I called friends will be shocked at how playful and not-up-to-maturity I am.

In an awkward situation, those who I called friends will wondered of my seriousness.

And it happened that some friends knows me better than others.

And they can stand this Amirah Hazwani who sometimes can be as serious as possible or as playful as I can be or as decent as I can reach.

They can stand to read all my 6-pages or so text messages.

They can bare to hear my complaints, my so-not-funny-jokes, my presentations, my... voice.

I just can't understand, how Centre of Foundation Studies IIUM gathered all these students and somehow, I'm here. With my friends.

And still, I have my friends back home, or somewhere else in this world and still be me.

As a bonus, I hadn't cry because of worldly matters for quite some time.

“You heart my dear sisters, sometimes break. And it sometimes break for the wrong reason. And if it's not for Allah, it is a shame.”

Quoted from Syeikh Yahya Ibrahim at Being Me Conference.

I am determine, to write what I had known. My friends know for a fact that my travels had been for Allah and al-'Ilm. But sometimes because it is so much, I didn't share even one piece of knowledge. So I write, because, well, my friends is currently reading this blog. Recently, I had my time to re-read my Bidayah [what I called for Bidayatul Hidayah] and here's one passage that I'm in love with, along with the whole book:

“Berkata Qadhi Ibnu Ma'ruf R.A:

Berhati-hatilah daripada musuhmu sekali dan berhati-hatilah daripada sahabatmu seribu kali.

Barangkali sahabatmu akan bertukar menjadi musuh pada suatu masa kelak maka ia lebih tahu bagaimana untuk menyaikitimu.”

People needs friends, it's a gift from Allah.

For a fact that friends do define who you are, it is important of how-to-choose.

But facts of course have flaws.

Sometimes there's a hidden lie behind a simple truth.

People and the relationship with the world, as Yasmin Mogahed said;

“Sometimes going, sometimes taking, sometimes chasing but most of the time waiting. The one who runs after a mirage would achieve nothing but keep running. No matter how close you get to the mirage, you can't keep it.”

As far as I am concerned, none of the wisdom came from me. I either quoted it and mentioned, sometimes not when I forgot his or her name and verily, everything came from Allah.

He's the Most-Knowing and Most-Forgiving.

Last, but of course not the least,

“Sometimes when we were born in Islam, we forgot about it until we lost it.”

Quoted from Raya Shakatfard at Being Me Conference.

Huge, huge love to my friends.

Unknowingly amount of love to my Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.

Indefinite, extravagantly-awesome and special love to my Creator, Allah s.w.t.

Yes, I know,

Alhamdulillah, Islam is a part of my life.

Allahua'lam.