Hidupku, matiku hanya untuk Allah.

BismiLLAH. I heard someone crying... and I know that cry. Sudden onset, variable course, prolonged duration. It was the cry of death. The cry of losing someone. The cry that reminds you that you lost someone too. البقااء الى الله

BismiLLAHirrahmanirrahim. Assalamualaikum w.b.t. When blogger.com was loading, I thought I need to ponder upon my long lost password. But apparently, my account wasn't even logged out. :) Izzayuku ya gamaah~ (How are you guys in Egypt Ammiyah) Haha. Right. Butterflies, fly away. Not long ago I was asked why did I stopped writing. The answer was simple, I tend to exaggerate while writing. So I don't want to write, until I can come up with something simple, realistic and more acceptable for future me. I don't want to be embarassed with what I wrote years ago. That is why some of my posts are long gone. Far from where I had started, I am now reaching the end of my 4th year in al Azhar as a medical student. For this academic year, I took few extra classes out of the university to survive: Otorhinolaryngology with Dr Ahmad Sa'ad of Ain Shams. Ophthalmology with Dr Hanafi of Ain Shams. Arabic Ammiyah (Basic and Medical...

BismiLLAHirrahmanirrahim. Assalamualaikum warahmatuLLAHi wabarakatuh. I think I am becoming the newest stalker of Qatar Airways these days. I called, I went to the office and for multiple times in an hour I logged in online. I just want to go home. ***** There was this thing that kept popping out in my mind for few times in the past few months... It was words that people said. How... funny it is when I read a well written status from a friend at Facebook, but I just can't seem to like it. And when another one writes something that is similar... I have no doubts in my mind. It was weird for me. What is wrong with me? Do I... take sides? :O Then, I realised... I prefer those who walk the talk. Its simply because I know that this person is writing what he or she had did or experienced while the others who writes the same thing, I never got the chance to see their actions, (yet). So if I like that to another person, what am I suppose to do w...

BismiLLAHirrahmanirrahim. Assalamualaikum warahmatuLLAHi wabarakatuh. As usual, it had been a while. So that's that. Let us catch up each others' life, shall we. After all, one's experiences shape one's expectations. I left Egypt. Chill. It is summer break, dear. But the thing is, I wasn't planning to. Therefore, why did I booked my ticket 4 days before flight, few hours after my last end-of-term paper and arrived at KLIA afterwards - alone -? It was the tense. My 2nd year as a medical student started with; me wearing niqab, not special by the way, financial assistance from Zakat and others, alhamduLILLAH, a cosy bedroom for one, friends and family. Never did I though it will all, well, most of it... change throughout my academic year (Sept 2013-June 2014) Few days back I was asked - again - of my reason not to wear niqab anymore. It was pretty clear for me but for me myself, common senses are subjective. I might see something normal bu...

BismiLLAHirrahmanirrahim. Assalamualaikum warahmatuLLAHi wabarakatuh. These days, I lost myself. I try to grasp the idea of gaining back but it doesn't brings much effect as I wanted it to be. As... I want. *sigh* The nafs wants everything. The last day Syeikh was here, I waved from the house. It was morning and I looked bad enough to go out and stand by the car. So I didn't and stayed. The house turned very quiet afterwards, very. We know he will be gone for at least 2 months. For few seconds only after he left... we felt... missing. At least I do. Study week came shortly afterwards. Our daily classes became weekly on basis. Once per week. Not even the Friday's night "Majlis Selawat". I wasn't even very sure what went wrong. But I did ran away. I packed my bags and poof, I was on the bus to Ramsis. Poof, I was on the tremco to Tanta. Spent a night, train to Alex. Spent a night, car to Mansoura. S...

BismiLLAHirrahmanirrahim. Assalamualaikum warahmatuLLAHi wabarakatuh. It's been a while. Isn't it? Last post was on November and poof, here I am. May 2014. 20 years old, reaching that 21 this October insyaALLAH. Bits from here and there. So alhamduLILLAH I had finished the semester and currently in my study week just before the final examination. Egypt is as always, as you can read it on the news or happen to experience it by yourself. Truth to be told, I was scrolling around the previous posts. It was like a memory lane, it is, indeed. Ups and downs. There are things that I don't even want to remember. I don't wish it doesn't happen but something so devastating just need to... disappear? Well, anyway... Those are the things that made what I am today, isn't it? No, I can't agree more. At the beginning of the academic year, it happened that I was destined to this beautiful house of Rumah Kenyalang, the residency for Sarawakian...

BismiLLAHirrahmirrahim. Assalamualaikum warahmatuLLAHi wabarakatuh. Berapa bulan menyepi. Aku hanya melihat perubahan alam ini. Sahabat aku berubah. Persekitaran aku berubah. Keadaan aku berubah. Aku sendiri, sudah berubah. "Sesungguhnya orang yang takut (melanggar hukum) TUHANnya semasa mereka tidak dilihat orang dan semasa mereka tidak melihat azab TUHAN, mereka beroleh keampunan dan pahala yang besar." 67:12 Aku berjalan ke majlis hari Jumaat. Perhatian ditumpukan sedikit kepada kasut yang sudah berlubang di hadapan. Berfikir pula tentang sepasang lagi yang sudah haus dan berlubang di bahagian bawah yang berada di rumah. Berkira-kira mahu membuang keduanya dan membeli yang baru. Ketika itu aku dipertemukan, dua kanak-kanak kecil keluar dari imarah (bangunan) mereka. Aku memperhatikan pakaian mereka dan tahulah aku bahawa mereka bukan dari keluarga yang senang mahupun sederhana. Pandangan jatuh kepada kasut yang dipakai. Aduhai, selipar itu lebi...